The Wall St Insiders Joke Book

Everyone knows that when big news breaks, Wall Street is the first to react--in humor as in finance. Here is the cream of Wall Street humor--more than 500 jokes so hot and risque the author insisted a pseudonym be used for her name.

Millions of us are committing a slow, imperceptible form of financial suicide. Chances are your IRA or 401(k) carries far more risk than you realize, lacks real diversification that could reduce downside risk, and is falling behind the underreported rate of inflation that eats away at your retirement fund every year. In the next market crash, you could be left vulnerable and unprotected. Wall Street financial advisers are supposed to build and preserve your wealth, yet they are untrained in portfolio construction and how to contain risk and bulletproof your investments. They charge high fees and sometimes put their own interests ahead of yours. Now Ed Butowsky, a Wall Street insider who spent two decades as one of the top producers at the fabled firm of Morgan Stanley & Co., breaks from the pack to reveal the flaws, fibs and failings of financial advisers. To fix this mess, he has created the new CHIP Score to empower you to evaluate the potential for Risk & Reward in your portfolio and grade your adviser—before the next meltdown. Nobody else on Wall Street ever dared to create anything like it. Wealth Mismanagement will empower investors to protect themselves. Read it & reap.

Although he was a suburban husband and father, living a far different life than the “Wolf of Wall Street,” Michael Kimelman had a good run as the cofounder of a hedge fund. He had left a cushy yet suffocating job at a law firm to try his hand at the high-risk life of a proprietary trader — and he did pretty well for himself. But it all came crashing down in the wee hours of November 5, 2009, when the Feds came to his door—almost taking the door off its hinges. While his wife and children were sequestered to a bedroom, Kimelman was marched off in embarrassment in view of his neighbors and TV crews who had been alerted in advance. He was arrested as part of a huge insider trading case, and while he was offered a “sweetheart” no-jail probation plea, he refused, maintaining his innocence. The lion’s share of Confessions of a Wall Street Insider was written while Kimelman was an inmate at Lewisburg Penitentiary. In nearly two years behind bars, he reflected on his experiences before incarceration—rubbing elbows and throwing back far too many cocktails with financial titans and major figures in sports and entertainment (including Leonardo DiCaprio, Alex Rodriguez, Ben Bernanke, and Alan Greenspan, to drop a few names); making and losing hundreds of thousands of dollars in daily gambles on the Street; getting involved with the wrong people, who eventually turned on him; realizing that none of that mattered in the end. As he writes: “Stripped of family, friends, time, and humanity, if there’s ever a place to give one pause, it’s prison . . . Tomorrow is promised to no one.” In Confessions of a Wall Street Insider, he reveals the triumphs, pains, and struggles, and how, in the end, it just might have made him a better person. Skyhorse Publishing, along with our Arcade, Good Books, Sports Publishing, and Yucca imprints, is proud to publish a broad range of biographies, autobiographies, and memoirs. Our list includes biographies on well-known historical figures like Benjamin Franklin, Nelson Mandela, and Alexander Graham Bell, as well as villains from history, such as Heinrich Himmler, John Wayne Gacy, and O. J. Simpson. We have also published survivor stories of World War II, memoirs about overcoming adversity, first-hand tales of adventure, and much more. While not every title we publish becomes a New York Times bestseller or a national bestseller, we are committed to books on subjects that are sometimes overlooked and to authors whose work might not otherwise find a home.

Chances are you haven’t been making the best investing decisions. Why? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW WALL STREET WANTS IT Wall Street is very good at one thing: convincing you to act against your own interests. And there’s no one out there better equipped with the knowledge and moxie to explain how it all works than Josh Brown. A man The New York Times referred to as “the Merchant of Snark” and Barron’s called “pot-stirring and provocative,” Brown worked for 10 years in the industry, a time during which he learned some hard truths about how clients are routinely treated—and how their money is sent on a one-way trip to Wall Street’s coffers. Backstage Wall Street reveals the inner workings of the world’s biggest money machine and explains how a relatively small confederation of brilliant, sometimes ill-intentioned people fuel it, operate it, and repair it when necessary—none of which is for the good of the average investor. Offering a look that only a long-term insider could provide (and that only a “reformed” insider would want to provide), Brown describes: THE PEOPLE—Why retail brokers always profit—even if you don’t THE PRODUCTS—How funds, ETFs, and other products are invented as failsafe profit generators—for the inventors alone THE PITCH—The marketing schemes designed for one thing and one thing only: to separate you from your money It’s that bad . . . but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Brown gives you the knowledge you need to make the right decisions at the right time. Backstage Wall Street is about seeing reality for what it is and adjusting your actions accordingly. It’s about learning who and what to steer clear of at all times. And it’s about setting the stage for a bright financial future—your own way.

In Take on the Street, Arthur Levitt--Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission for eight years under President Clinton--provides the best kind of insider information: the kind that can help honest, small investors protect themselves from the deliberately confusing ways of Wall Street. At a time when investor confidence in Wall Street and corporate America is at an historic low, when many are seriously questioning whether or not they should continue to invest, Levitt offers the benefits of his own experience, both on Wall Street and as its chief regulator. His straight talk about the ways of stockbrokers (they are salesmen, plain and simple), corporate financial statements (the truth is often hidden), mutual fund managers (remember who they really work for), and other aspects of the business will help to arm everyone with the tools they need to protect—and enhance—their financial future.

"The rise over the last two decades of a powerful new class of billionaire financiers marks a singular shift in the American economic and political landscape. Their vast reserves of concentrated wealth have allowed a small group of big winners to write their own rules of capitalism and public policy. How did we get here? ... Kolhatkar shows how Steve Cohen became one of the richest and most influential figures in finance--and what happened when the Justice Department put him in its crosshairs"--Amazon.com.

For veteran Wall Street advisor Mac McGregor, it is the worst of times. A plunging stock market, a global panic, and white-knuckled clients create a trifecta of agony. Against this backdrop of guaranteed sleepless nights, McGregor receives a bizarre request from an old friend. Sam Golden, who was the head of the SEC in the Clinton administration, now leads the new presidents transition team, and his ambitious mission is to clean up Wall Street. Goldens first target is Jeremy Lyons, a former colleague of McGregors and a hedge fund manager who plays by his own rules. With no physical or electronic footprint to guide them, can Mac and Sam somehow locate a billionaire who does not want to be found? What begins as an intellectual challenge for McGregor morphs into a deadly chess match where financial espionage, torture, and perhaps murder are all weapons in Lyonss arsenal. As the FBI joins the hunt, the cunning Lyons always seems to be one step ahead. And now hes headed for McGregor!

The Brainwashing of the American InvestorRevised Edition is the updated, hands-on investing manual that challenges the prevailing wisdom to put your trust blindly in Wall Street.

A Wall Street Insider's Guide to getting ahead in any highly competitive industry "Dave learned how to win in investment banking the hard way. Now he is able to share tools that make it easier for budding bankers and other professionals to succeed." —Frank Baxter, Former CEO of Jefferies and U.S. Ambassador to Uruguay "A must-read for anyone starting their career in Corporate America. Dave's book shares witty and valuable insights that would take a lifetime to learn otherwise. I highly recommend that anyone interested in advancing their career read this book." —Harry Nelis, Partner of Accel and former Goldman Sachs banker In The Way of the Wall Street Warrior, 25-year veteran investment banker and finance professional, Dave Liu, delivers a humorous and irreverent insider’s guide to thriving on Wall Street or Main Street. Liu offers hilarious and insightful advice on everything from landing an interview to self-promotion to getting paid. In this book, you’ll discover: How to get that job you always wanted Why career longevity and “success” comes from doing the least amount of work for the most pay How mastering cognitive biases and understanding human nature can help you win the rat race How to make people think you’re the smartest person in the room without actually being the smartest person in the room How to make sure you do everything in your power to get paid well (or at least not get screwed too badly) How to turn any weakness or liability into an asset to further your career