The Bitchy Waiter

Hilarious tales from the trenches of food service from the popular blog—perfect for fans of David Sedaris, Anthony Bourdain, Erma Bombeck and Mo Rocca. For all those disenchanted current and former food service employees, Darron Cardosa (a.k.a. The Bitchy Waiter) has your back. Based on his popular blog, this riotous book is full of waitstaff horror stories—plus heartwarming tales—from three decades in the industry. Cardosa knows you want your beer cold (“You want a cold beer? Thank you for clarifying so I didn’t bring you the one that just came out of the oven”). And while he may hate children (“I know the kid at Table Eight is trouble the moment he rolls into the restaurant in his fancy stroller”), he will at least consider owning up to his mistakes: “Do I take the steak from the floor, citing the “three-second rule,” and put it in the to-go box and carry it back to the woman?” From crazy customers to out-of-control egos, these acerbic tales offer a hilarious glimpse into what really goes on in that fancy restaurant—and inside the mind of a server. Praise for The Bitchy Waiter “Cardosa does for wait staff what Anthony Bourdain did for kitchens: he exposes the ugly side of food service from the perspective of those working on the front lines. And he puts the potential restaurant customer on notice that someone is watching and recording their bad behavior.” —Shelf Awareness

At some point in their lives, millions of people have waited tables. And many remain haunted by nightmare scenarios where they are the sole server in a packed restaurant. For all those disenchanted current and former food service employees, Darron Cardosa (a.k.a. the Bitchy Waiter) has your back. Since 2008 he's vented his frustrations--about everything from entitled has-beens to what really goes on in that fancy restaurant--in a popular blog. A snarky mix of Sedaris, Bourdain, Bombeck, and Mo Rocca, Cardosa distills 30 years of food service into dark, funny tales that anyone who worked in the industry will relate to.

Now a Broadway musical! Roald Dahl's iconic story of a little boy, a golden ticket, and a fantastical chocolate factory has been adapted into a wonderful new musical. This edition has a great new cover featuring the musical's poster art and a foreword by Jack O'Brien, Tony Award-winning Director. Willy Wonka's famous chocolate factory is opening at last! But only five lucky children will be allowed inside. And the winners are: Augustus Gloop, an enormously fat boy whose hobby is eating; Veruca Salt, a spoiled-rotten brat whose parents are wrapped around her little finger; Violet Beauregarde, a dim-witted gum-chewer with the fastest jaws around; Mike Teavee, a toy pistol-toting gangster-in-training who is obsessed with television; and Charlie Bucket, Our Hero, a boy who is honest and kind, brave and true, and good and ready for the wildest time of his life!

According to The Waiter, eighty percent of customers are nice people just looking for something to eat. The remaining twenty percent, however, are socially maladjusted psychopaths. Waiter Rant offers the server's unique point of view, replete with tales of customer stupidity, arrogant misbehavior, and unseen bits of human grace transpiring in the most unlikely places. Through outrageous stories, The Waiter reveals the secrets to getting good service, proper tipping etiquette, and how to keep him from spitting in your food. The Waiter also shares his ongoing struggle, at age thirty-eight, to figure out if he can finally leave the first job at which he's truly thrived.

Service workers share their funniest and most cringeworthy stories of difficult, demanding, and just plain mind-boggling encounters with the public . . . “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 ounces in your carry-on. If you’d like to, you could—” “But that’s not a liquid!” “Excuse me, ma’am?” “It’s not a liquid! It’s water!” Retailers, restaurants, and tech support providers believe service is king, but in The Customer Is Not Always Right, A.J. Adams proves that customers will do anything they can to put that motto to the test. Enjoy tales from the creator of the popular website Not Always Right, including half that are previously unpublished, showcasing customer-relations horror stories everyone can relate to. No matter what side of the counter you’re on, there are hilarious accounts about everything that can go wrong between the customer and retail or service provider. Whether it's a confrontation in the drive-through over not enough fries or arguing over a one-cent price difference on milk, this book proves the principle of “the customer is always right” can be dead wrong.

In this spectacular new romance from acclaimed New York Times bestselling author Jane Feather, fate deals one stubbornly single young woman and one deceptively heartless man a shocking hand in a high-stakes bet. But is love in the cards? Jack Fortescu gambles to win, and this time his prize is not only his rival’s lavish mansion but everything in it– including the man’s beautiful sister! But when it comes to games, Jack has met his match. . . . Left homeless by her brother’s escapade, Arabella Lacey has two appalling choices: pack her bags–or agree to marry the lunatic who’s taken over her house. Why would such a handsome–and outrageously wealthy–man want such an unromantic arrangement? Arabella intends to find out, and have a little fun in the process at Jack’s expense . . . literally. As Jack discovers that his reluctant bride is no ordinary beauty, he feels a stir of admiration, among other emotions, that wasn’t part of the bargain. Now he’s the one with everything to lose. . . .

Kathy Garver, the teenage heartthrob from the hit series Family Affair (1966–1971), was no one-hit wonder, but a journeywoman actress who appeared in such classic films as Night of the Hunter and The Ten Commandments long before she became a television icon. This memoir is a recollection of a working actress’s experiences, from the many films, television shows, and stage plays in which she performed, to her second career as a voice-over specialist in popular animated films and audiobooks. Featuring anecdotes, Hollywood history, and details of her relationships with such stars as Charlton Heston and Jon Provost, Surviving Cissy is a veritable quilt of Kathy’s exciting life.

From the award-winning and New York Times bestselling author of Once and for All She’s got it all figured out. Or does she? When it comes to relationships, Remy’s got a whole set of rules. Never get too serious. Never let him break your heart. And never, ever date a musician. But then Remy meets Dexter, and the rules don’t seem to apply anymore. Could it be that she’s starting to understand what all those love songs are about? “Remy and Dexter jump off the pages into the hearts of readers, who will wish for a romance like this of their own.” —Booklist Sarah Dessen is the winner of the Margaret A. Edwards Award for her contributions to YA literature, as well as the Romantic Times Career Achievement Award. Books by Sarah Dessen: That Summer Someone Like You Keeping the Moon Dreamland This Lullaby The Truth About Forever Just Listen Lock and Key Along for the Ride What Happened to Goodbye The Moon and More Saint Anything Once and for All

From the author of the bestselling Prozac Nation comes one of the most entertaining feminist manifestos ever written. In five brilliant extended essays, she links the lives of women as demanding and disparate as Amy Fisher, Hillary Clinton, Margaux Hemingway, and Nicole Brown Simpson. Wurtzel gives voice to those women whose lives have been misunderstood, who have been dismissed for their beauty, their madness, their youth. Bitch is a brilliant tract on the history of manipulative female behavior. By looking at women who derive their power from their sexuality, Wurtzel offers a trenchant cultural critique of contemporary gender relations. Beginning with Delilah, the first woman to supposedly bring a great man down (latter-day Delilahs include Yoko Ono, Pam Smart, Bess Myerson), Wurtzel finds many biblical counterparts to the men and women in today's headlines. She finds in the story of Amy Fisher the tragic plight of all Lolitas, our thirst for their brief and intense flame. She connects Hemingway's tragic suicide to those of Sylvia Plath, Edie Sedgwick, and Marilyn Monroe, women whose beauty was an end, ultimately, in itself. Wurtzel, writing about the wife/mistress dichotomy, explains how some women are anointed as wife material, while others are relegated to the role of mistress. She takes to task the double standard imposed on women, the cultural insistence on goodness and society's complete obsession with badness: what's a girl to do? Let's face it, if women were any real threat to male power, "Gennifer Flowers would be sitting behind the desk of the Oval Office," writes Wurtzel, "and Bill Clinton would be a lounge singer in the Excelsior Hotel in Little Rock." Bitch tells a tale both celebratory and cautionary as Wurtzel catalogs some of the most infamous women in history, defending their outsize desires, describing their exquisite loneliness, championing their take-no-prisoners approach to life and to love. Whether writing about Courtney Love, Sally Hemings, Bathsheba, Kimba Wood, Sharon Stone, Princess Di--or waxing eloquent on the hideous success of The Rules, the evil that is The Bridges of Madison County, the twisted logic of You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again--Wurtzel is back with a bitchography that cuts to the core. In prose both blistering and brilliant, Bitch is a treatise on the nature of desperate sexual manipulation and a triumph of pussy power.