Killing Narcissism

Narcissism is an overwhelming and confusing topic. But when you reveal its mask, you see that it is basically a lie, told to those who are vulnerable. Narcissistic abuse, by nature, is designed to keep you trapped in shame-based vertigo. It doesn’t just go away because you know it exists. Narcissism creates a set of beliefs, behaviours and paradigms in its target which must be changed from the inside. ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’ is a book with two aims: 1. To reveal the rotten core of the narcissistic personality so you can see it clearly 2. To present you with an inside-out strategy for healing, recovery and freedom Whether you are dealing with narcissistic parents, husbands, wives, friends, bosses or colleagues, the same philosophy will apply. After reading ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’, you will: - Become aware of the damage narcissistic abuse has done to your psyche and how to heal it - See how the narcissist uses shame as a weapon to fool you into feeling inferior - Understand the playing field which narcissists thrive on and how to stop playing their game - Learn how the narcissist uses mind control to break down and rebuild your identity for the purpose of subjugation - Gain tools for disarming a narcissist i.e. starving them of their narcissistic supply - Have taken a closer look beyond the label of narcissistic personality disorder ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’ takes an enlightening look at the dynamic between a narcissist and their target. It takes you on a deep journey and describes: - How we unwittingly qualify as targets of narcissists - The shame/grandiosity continuum and how the narcissist uses it to crush your self-esteem - The law of grandiosity and how it influences our relationships with the self-absorbed - The effect that narcissism has on its target including: toxic shame, a dissociated mind and a weakened ego - The obstacles which keep you trapped in a cycle of narcissistic abuse: the psychological cage, love starvation, low shame tolerance, guilt and conditioning to shamelessness Using an inside-out approach, ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’ presents the seven practices for recovery and healing: 1. Get allies: Boost self-esteem through limbic resonance 2. Give shape to your true self: Uncover disowned parts of the self and restore wholeness 3. Skill up: Empower yourself 4. Flex your muscles: Challenge the psychological cage and come out of hiding 5. Even the scale: Restore balance to your relationships 6. Boundaries: Foster a strong sense of self and firmly protect it 7. Scorched earth: Disengage from those who wish to manipulate you Each practice is designed to instil you with independence, strength, emotional resilience and awareness while allowing you to cultivate balanced, loving relationships and pursue a life of passion. This is the art of killing a narcissist.

The powerful thesis of this book is that in order to achieve full selfhood we must all repeatedly and endlessly kill the phantasmatic image of ourselves instilled in us by our parents. We must all combat what the author calls “primary narcissism,” a projection of the child our parents wanted. This idea—that each of us carries as a burden an unconscious secret of our parents, a hidden desire that we are made to live out but that we must kill in order to “be born”—touches on some of the fundamental issues of psychoanalytic theory. Around it, the author builds an intricate analysis of the relation between primary narcissism and the death drive. Each of the book’s five chapters begins with one or more case studies drawn from the author’s clinical experience as a psychoanalyst. In these studies he links his central concern—the image of the child created by the unconscious desire of the parents—to other issues, such as the question of love, the concept of the subject, and the death drive. In the penultimate chapter, on transference, the author challenges the commonplace understanding of the analyst’s impassivity. What does such impassivity imply, especially in the context of a “transferential love” between a female patient and a male analyst? In replying to this question, the author forcefully reassesses the relation of psychoanalysis to femininity, to the question “What does a woman want?” Serge Leclaire’s overarching thesis leads to a provocative rereading of the Oedipal configuration. Leclaire suggests that he is inhabited, pursued, haunted, and debilitated by the child who should have died in order that Oedipus might have been born into life.

Taking the same position on clinical psychoanalysis as he has taken theoretically, Green believes that certain structures should be particularized in the name of narcissism, but it would be a mistake to exaggerate the differences between narcissistic structures and borderline cases. He suspects that a new metapsychology, a third topography, may have slipped surreptitiously into psychoanalytic thinking without anyone noticing, the theoretical poles of which would be the Self and the object. The French edition (no title mentioned) is published by Les Editions de Minuit. No information is provided on either Green or Weller. Distributed in the US by ISBS. c. Book News Inc.

Narcissism is more than a personality; it's a system for exploiting love and a blueprint for avoiding shame. This unconscious pattern is the narcissist regime, and it shapes us more than we know. 'Killing Narcissism' has two major aims: 1. To illustrate the inherent psychological traits inside us which narcissism exploits 2. To provide clear guidance on how we can transcend the narcissistic forces which bind us After reading 'Killing Narcissism', you will: - Understand how overexposure to shame and trauma leads to grandiosity addiction; a compulsive need to be in control of and superior to others. - Be able to recognize your unconscious tendency to 'split', or rather, to worship (love) or vilify (hate) others, based on early childhood experiences. - Understand how grandiosity addiction and 'splitting' combine to create narcissistic relationships. - Become aware of the archetypes behind the figures in your life and how they subconsciously influence and control you. - Know more about the narcissistic family; a closed environment where trauma and shame are repressed and replaced with a family 'doctrine.' - Have an appreciation of how profoundly narcissistic family roles shape the people in it and help perpetuate narcissism. - Become aware of the potential for such roles to be replayed in all facets of life; romantic relationships, social groups, organizations and spiritual groups. Overcoming this pattern requires awareness as well as an inside-out approach. Seven paradigm shifts are introduced which help end the illusory power grab found in the narcissist regime: 1. Split to ambivalence: Learn to hold both love and hate for a person and to see them as they truly are. 2. Worship to personal power: Dispel the childhood belief that you can be saved by the 'perfect' person and take responsibility for your life. 3. Enmeshment to individuality: Embrace a life of healthy boundaries and learn how narcissists use enmeshment to control others. 4. Fight/flight to wholeness: Cultivate a state of calm after a lifetime of anxiety from PTSD due to narcissistic abuse. 5. Control to influence: Use personal power to set an example and give up the need to control others. 6. Clinging to falling: Give up the idea that playing a role will give your life meaning. Learn to embrace nothingness, and with that your personal power. 7. Doing to being: Embrace the power of healthy shame as an alternative to narcissism by first purging yourself of toxic shame. Through shifting your paradigms, 'Killing Narcissism' helps you find your way back to your true self and take back your personal power from the narcissistic forces which entrap you.

“Don’t You Know Who I Am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist. Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity—insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders. There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes. It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.

Narcissism—an inflated view of the self—is everywhere. Public figures say it’s what makes them stray from their wives. Parents teach it by dressing children in T-shirts that say "Princess." Teenagers and young adults hone it on Facebook, and celebrity newsmakers have elevated it to an art form. And it’s what’s making people depressed, lonely, and buried under piles of debt. Jean Twenge’s influential first book, Generation Me, spurred a national debate with its depiction of the challenges twenty- and thirty-somethings face in today’s world—and the fallout these issues create for educators and employers. Now, Dr. Twenge turns her focus to the pernicious spread of narcissism in today’s culture, which has repercussions for every age group and class. Dr. Twenge joins forces with W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., a nationally recognized expert on narcissism, to explore this new plague in The Narcissism Epidemic, their eye-opening exposition of the alarming rise of narcissism and its catastrophic effects at every level of society. Even the world economy has been damaged by risky, unrealistic overconfidence. Drawing on their own extensive research as well as decades of other experts’ studies, Drs. Twenge and Campbell show us how to identify narcissism, minimize the forces that sustain and transmit it, and treat it or manage it where we find it. Filled with arresting, alarming, and even amusing stories of vanity gone off the tracks (would you like to hire your own personal paparazzi?), The Narcissism Epidemic is at once a riveting window into the consequences of narcissism, a prescription to combat the widespread problems it causes, and a probing analysis of the culture at large.

Within the throes of a madly passionate romance is the most ghastly soul rape and mind crime conceivable. The Great American "Psychopathic" Love Story exists in a world where nothing is as real as perceived. Beneath the surface of what seems to be a fairy tale romance is the outline for what may be the perfect murder, and if you are naive enough to think it can't happen to you, you're wrong, ... dead wrong. Loving A Narcissist is the diary of a man being vicimized by a lethal narcissist, from beginning to end as it happens. Be there as he learns about narcissism and as he searches for a way to completely heal from the abuse. Many readers/victims praise this book for helping them heal as well. Steven thought he was writing about the phenomenal love he and Ashley had for each other. He didn't know that he was actually documenting the manipulation and torment experienced by the victim of a highly skilled emotional vampire. An endearing love story that is insanity in the raw, and just when you think it is all over, it begins again before leading to a shocking ending that will not soon be forgotten. Read this before purchasing this book: Many victims of narcissistic abuse buy books on the subject just to make them feel better by reading about what evil monsters the narcissists are. Granted, they have suffered tremendously, but this type of victim wallows in misery and are not able to heal or move beyond the abuse. If you are looking for a book that just repeats what hundreds of others already outline, then this book is not for you. This book is a memoir from the perspective of the victim as the mental and emotional abuse is taking place. It portrays the confusion that comes from abrupt abandonment and ostracization by a loved one. Through the victim's eyes, you will experience what it is to be "Gaslighted" by a narcissist, which is, idealization, discard, and devalue. When a narcissist is victimizing a person, the abused becomes someone they are not, and behave in ways out of the norm. Where some may view the behavior as childish or immature, it is actually a person fighting to hang onto his or her sanity. This is "Loving a Narcissist." "Dynamic person stylized writing. Brilliant! A death to birth with a delivery that is painful as bloody hell." - Becky Joyce Reed (Author of Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist) "Thank you Steven from the bottom of my heart. I was completely destroyed by my relationship with a Narcissist. Your book was the turning point for me and saved my life." -Debbie Perez "Congratulations on writing a wonderful and powerful book. Yours is a very important story to tell - because it's from a man's viewpoint (not a perspective we hear from enough)." - Leslie Morgan Steiner (Author of the New York Times best selling memoir "Crazy Love") This book saved my life. - Debby Perez Everyone should read this. These psychopaths are multiplying like crazy and we need to know how to identify them for our own sakes and for the sake of society. This is one story out of too many that can teach us what to look out for. - Linda Freeman Dear Steven, I received your book on a Friday, and could not put it down, yet at times the pain I felt for you was unbearable. I could so relate though to the pain. Steven, I just finished reading your book "Loving a Narcissist" and I wanted to tell you how moved I was by your honesty and revealing your vulnerability. Reading it, I cried for you sometimes. Thank you for telling us your story. It doesn't just happen to women. Be well and blessed ... I think you are now. - Liz Davies

A resource for daughters of mothers with narcissistic personality disorder explains how to manage feelings of inadequacy and abandonment in the face of inappropriate maternal expectations and conditional love, in a step-by-step guide that shares recommendations for creating a personalized program for self-protection and recovery. 50,000 first printing.

This highly anticipated second edition of Splitting includes new chapters on abuse, alienation, and false allegations; as well as information about the four types of domestic violence, protective orders, and child custody disputes. Are you divorcing someone who’s making the process as difficult as possible? Are they sending you nasty emails, falsifying the truth, putting your children in the middle, abusing you, or abusing the system? Are they “persuasive blamers,” manipulating and fooling court personnel to get them on their side? If so, you need this book. For more than ten years, Splitting has served as the ultimate guide for people divorcing a high conflict person, one who often has borderline or narcissistic (or even antisocial) personality disorder. Among other things, it has saved readers thousands of dollars, helped them keep custody of their children, and effectively guided them through a difficult legal and emotional process. Written by a family law attorney and therapist, and the author of Stop Walking on Eggshells, Splitting is an essential legal and psychological guide for anyone divorcing a persuasive blamer: someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and/or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). This second edition includes new information about antisocial personalities; expanded information about domestic violence, child abuse, alienation, and false allegations; how to approach protective orders and deal with child custody disputes; and a new chapter on how to successfully present your case to decision makers. Turn to this guide to help you: Predict what your spouse may do or say in court Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking Choose a lawyer who understands your case Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you If you need help navigating a high-conflict divorce from a manipulative spouse, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.

A highly illuminating examination of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and its insidiously traumatic impact on family members and partners. Packed with insight, compassion, and practical strategies for recovery, this is a must-read for survivors and clinicians alike. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) has a profoundly dehumanizing effect on those subject to its distortions, manipulations, and rage. The Narcissist in Your Life illuminates the emotionally annihilating experience of narcissistic abuse in families and relationships, acknowledges the complex emotional and physical trauma that results, and assists survivors with compassionate, practical advice on the path of recovery. Whether you are just learning about NPD, managing a narcissistic parent or other family member, leaving a narcissistic relationship, or struggling with complex PTSD, you will find life-changing answers to these common questions: What are the different forms of NPD? Is my partner a narcissist? Why do I keep attracting narcissistic personalities? How can I help my kids? What happens in a narcissistic family? Why did my other parent go along with the abuse? Why am I alienated from my siblings? Why is it so hard to believe in myself and my future? What is complex PTSD and do I have it? What are the health problems associated with narcissistic abuse? Journalist, survivor, and NPD trauma coach Julie L. Hall provides a comprehensive, up-to-date, affirming, and accessible guide that will not only help you understand narcissistic abuse trauma, but will help you overcome trauma cycles and move forward with healing.