The Grumpy Old Gits Guide To Life

The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

At last! A comprehensive, handy guide for the misery-guts in your life. Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Grumpy Old Men is an annotated, cross-referenced and fully illustrated manual for malcontents everywhere: the comprehensive Gripes of Wrath.

What do Postman Pat, Tommy Cooper, Norman Wisdom and George Best have in common with being abandoned in a Costa Rican jungle after a severe bout of flatulence? Indeed, how are they also connected to trying to buy an Australian brewery just to get a beer, owning twenty-two cars, an American soccer team and a Swiss mail-order pornography company? The common feature is of course a certain Richard Wakeman. The Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star takes you, the privileged reader, on a trip of absurd excess, a cultural car crash of side-splitting hilarity and an unforgettable glimpse (again) into the life of one of Britain's most legendary showmen, rock stars and all-time great raconteurs.

Never mind about ruling the world, although you could, no doubt, do it better than the idiots in charge. Who cares about being youthful, athletic or handsome when you've been there, done that and got the scars to prove it? Joking apart, there are plenty of ways to make your life much happier as you get older and that's what this little book is really all about. It's a mixture of humour and advice, written by a very contented 83-year-old who knows what he's talking about. After deciding to make happiness your top priority, learn how to attain and keep it, with brief lessons ranging from not taking yourself - or anyone else - seriously, and the need for a HOW (happy old woman) to neighbours - like them if it kills them - and enemies (how not to have any). Remember that hurrying is for the young! So, sit back, relax and enjoy life.

Of today’s retired men, one third are reasonably happy, one third are dissatisfied, and one third have resigned themselves to their situation. After retiring, Dag Sebastian Ahlander, former Swedish Consul General in New York, learned the importance of relishing every age—despite setbacks and illnesses—in order to acquire wisdom and perspective and gain greater satisfaction for the years that remain. Drawing on his own experiences, Mr. Ahlander penned Handbook for Happy Old Men , offering 109 pieces of advice for making the change from Grumpy Old Man to Jolly Gent. Mr. Ahlander’s suggestions for a better retirement include: Don’t become a Micro Management Guru. Don’t try to reorganize your wife’s kitchen where you have never done a thing during your active years. You don´t have to comment on everything. Life is supposed to be lived, not commented upon. Don´t downsize. Now is your chance to enjoy the home you have spent a lifetime acquiring and arranging. Steer clear of your adult children´s big problems. You’ll just lose sleep. But do help them with the small stuff—you have the time now for practicalities, they don´t. Smile and people will smile back at you. A red bow tie helps! Handbook for Happy Old Men is both a thought-provoking call to transformation and a practical guide to making the simple changes that make your life that much happier. Remember, time may be short, but life is long. It’s high time to count your blessings and forget the rest. The choice is yours!

*A GOOD MORNING AMERICA BOOK CLUB PICK* *A GLOBE AND MAIL BEST BOOK* “[A] winsome, large-hearted novel ... [Still Life] pulses from the page.” —Entertainment Weekly Set between World War II and the 1980s, Still Life is a beautiful, big-hearted story of strangers brought together by love, war, art, flood, and the ghost of E. M. Forster, from the bestselling, prize-winning author of Tin Man and When God Was a Rabbit. In the wine-cellar of a Tuscan villa, as the Allies advance and bombs fall around them, two people meet and share an extraordinary evening: Ulysses Temper is a young British soldier from London's East End; Evelyn Skinner is a worldly older art historian and possible spy. She has come to Italy to rescue paintings from the ruins and relive her memories of the time she encountered E.M. Forster and had her heart stolen by an Italian maid in a particular Florentine room with a view. Evelyn's talk of truth and beauty plants a seed in Ulysses's mind that night, one that will shape the trajectory of his life—and the lives of those who love him—for the next four decades. Moving from war-ravaged Tuscany to the boozy confines of The Stoat and Parrot pub in London and the piazzas of post-war Florence, Still Life is both sweeping and intimate, mischievous and deeply felt. It is a novel about beauty, love and fate, about the things that make life worth living, and the things we're prepared to die for.

Is your Grumpy Old Man getting under your feet? Is he wrestling with retirement? Are you wondering if you should bundle him up and entrust him to basket-weaving classes? Then this book could be the answer to your prayers. This light hearted guide is packed full of lively ideas, anecdotes and quips. Not only does it set out to provide laughs, but offers over 700 ideas and ways to keep a Grumpy Old Man occupied. From collecting airline sick bags to zorbing, you will be sure to find an absorbing pastime for your beloved curmudgeon. There are examples of those who have faced extraordinary challenges in older age, fascinating facts to interest a reluctant partner and innovative ideas drizzled, of course, with a large dollop of humor. Written tongue-in-cheek, this book succeeds in proving that getting older doesn't mean the end of life or having fun. It provides amusing answers to the question, "How on Earth will my husband fill in his time in his retirement?" It offers suggestions on what might, or most certainly might not, amuse him. Ideal for trivia buffs, those approaching retirement, (or just at a loose end) and frustrated women who have an irritable male on their hands, this book will lighten any mood and may even prevent the odd murder.

The tenth-anniversary edition of the book that changed lives in profound ways, now with a new foreword and afterword. In 2006, a groundbreaking feature-length film revealed the great mystery of the universe—The Secret—and, later that year, Rhonda Byrne followed with a book that became a worldwide bestseller. Fragments of a Great Secret have been found in the oral traditions, in literature, in religions and philosophies throughout the centuries. For the first time, all the pieces of The Secret come together in an incredible revelation that will be life-transforming for all who experience it. In this book, you’ll learn how to use The Secret in every aspect of your life—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction you have in the world. You’ll begin to understand the hidden, untapped power that’s within you, and this revelation can bring joy to every aspect of your life. The Secret contains wisdom from modern-day teachers—men and women who have used it to achieve health, wealth, and happiness. By applying the knowledge of The Secret, they bring to light compelling stories of eradicating disease, acquiring massive wealth, overcoming obstacles, and achieving what many would regard as impossible.

What happens when gods wane, retire, or just decide they need a change of employment? 13 writers took up the challenge and let their imaginations run wild in this anthology that is nearly-always amusing, somewhat insightful, and completely irreverent as we imagine the gods of yore in retirement: Pan by Vanessa Wells: Gwen Henson is a witch trainee with a nose for trouble; when she gets into something deeper than she and her mentor can deal with, they are forced to contact a cantankerous former god for assistance, only to find that his help comes at a price...but doesn't everything? A Low Key Game Night by Elizabeth Shaffer: Family Game night is always a risky situation when a former god of mischief is involved; add in a son bringing a new mortal girlfriend to meet the godly household and the stakes get a bit more interesting than anyone intended. For Want of a Feather by Andrew Dunlop: When the God in charge of afterlife management goes AWOL, two intrepid (if somewhat dead) souls and a talking cat set off to find him. What they find isn't exactly what they anticipated. Out of Luck by Vanessa Finaighty: Loki, God of Mischief has a history of going too far: when one of his pranks goes wrong, he and the rest of the Gods are out of luck...literally. Rule 34 by Avery Vanderlyle: When the Primal Terror goes AWOL, Demeter is forced to chase him down in order to keep humanity from destroying themselves; unfortunately, he has a new hobby, and it's for mature audiences only. Immanent Domain by Wendy Smyer Yu: When Cara accidentally invokes Coyote after a terrible date, the young woman has to channel her inner trickster so that the bored deity doesn't wreck her life. God of Morning by Elizabeth McCleary: When Morrow, god of morning is informed he is in danger of losing his position to Chaos god of well...chaos, he has to pull himself out of his recent funk and find joy in the morning once more. Zeus Really Needs To Go by Shawn Klimek: Lactose intolerance and a distinct lack of a statute of limitations combine to give the former King of Olympus one very bad day. Breaking the Habit by Ronel Janse von Vuuren: Odin finds that escaping his throne to make mischief at a rest home might be exactly what the doctor ordered. The New Chief Medical Officer by Tom Vetter: Controlled chaos reigns in the Elysian Fields Retirement facility. The new chief medical officer arrives to take charge; but when retired gods are involved, nothing is ever as easy as it seems at first glance. Playing Hooky by Juneta Key: Death's FA is having a heck of day.Harbinger of Doom by Katharina Gerlach: A mortal with a distasteful job finds that he can be more than he ever dreamed, if he simply has the courage to reach out and take what he wants. Whither Athena by Marshall J. Moore: In which Althea Stagg has a client she can't refuse and a missing Goddess who has no intention of returning: caught between two primal beings, what's a demi-goddess detective to do?

Following the phenomenal success of ‘Grumpy Old Men’, and ‘Grumpy Old Men on Holiday’, the guru of grump, David Quantick, takes a stand for miserable slobs everywhere against the self-help motivational mafia and keep-fit claptrap. The ultimate in stress-relief for the 21st-Century Grouch.