The Big Book Of Duh

If you are stupid, then you're too dumb to know it. If you're smart, then you are no doubt smart enough to doubt yourself. --Bob Fenster The Big Book of Duh! is the perfect read regardless of where you happen to be sitting--think Uncle John's Bathroom Reader meets The Darwin Awards (without any of the dreary dead stuff). Proving there is a lot of reading going on in suburbia's smallest room, more than 1.5 million copies of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader have been sold since its first publication in 1988. As the new water-closet contender, Bob Fenster continues his romp into areas of idiot intrigue by chronicling the folly and reckless abandon of the human race. * Covering such topics as My Favorite Morons, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, The Surprising Things People Don't Know, and Dumb Plays in the Face of Fate, this compendium chronicles the densely inept and decidedly ignorant. * Featuring outrageous new stories plus the best material from the previous Duh! books, this compilation is the ultimate collection of human stupidity.

Over a thousand pages of haunted—and haunting—ghost tales: the most complete collection of uncanny, spooky, creepy tales ever published! Edited and with an introduction by Otto Penzler. Including stories by Joyce Carol Oates, Rudyanrd Kipling, Isaac Asimov, James MacCreigh, and many more! Featuring eerie vintage ghost illustrations. The ghost story is perhaps the oldest of all the supernatural literary genres and has captured the imagination of almost every writer to put pen to the page. Here, Edgar Award-winning editor Otto Penzler has followed his keen sense of the supernatural to collect the most chilling and uncanny tales in the canon. These spectral stories span more than a hundred years, from modern-day horrors by Joyce Carol Oates, Chet Williamson and Andrew Klavan, to pulp yarns from August Derleth, Greye La Spina, and M. L. Humphreys, to the atmospheric Victorian tales of Rudyard Kipling, Edith Wharton, and H. P. Lovecraft, not to mention modern works by the likes of Donald E. Westlake and Isaac Asimov that are already classics. Some of these stories have haunted the canon for a century, while others are making their first ghoulish appearance in book form. Whether you prefer possessive poltergeists, awful apparitions, or friendly phantoms, these stories are guaranteed to thrill you, tingle the spine, or tickle the funny bone, and keep you turning the pages with fearful delight. Including such classics as “The Monkey’s Paw” and “The Open Window” and eerie vintage illustrations, and also featuring haunted mansions, midnight frights, lovers from beyond the grave, rapping, tapping, wailing shades, and ghosts, ghouls, and specters galore! AlsoFeaturing haunted mansions, midnight frights, lovers from beyond the grave, rapping, tapping, wailing shades, and ghosts, ghouls, and specters galore!

"If you are stupid, then you're too dumb to know it. If you're smart, then you are no doubt smart enough to doubt yourself." —Bob Fenster The Big Book of Duh! is the perfect read regardless of where you happen to be sitting — think Uncle John's Bathroom Reader meets The Darwin Awards (without any of the dreary dead stuff).Proving there is a lot of reading going on in suburbia's smallest room, more than 1.5 million copies of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader have been sold since its first publication in 1988. As the new water-closet contender, Bob Fenster continues his romp into areas of idiot intrigue by chronicling the folly and reckless abandon of the human race. Covering such topics as My Favorite Morons, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, The Surprising Things People Don't Know, and Dumb Plays in the Face of Fate, this compendium chronicles the densely inept and decidedly ignorant. Featuring outrageous new stories plus the best material from the previous Duh! books, this compilation is the ultimate collection of human stupidity.

In a single volume Ernest Thompson Seton, renowned naturalist, writer, artist, and founding leader of the Boy Scouts of America, presents one of the most comprehensive guides to the outdoors ever written. Originally published in 1922 as The Book of Woodcraft, this work represents the culmination of years of observation and experience in the wilderness. Within these pages lie instructions and anecdotes—some expected, some delightfully unanticipated—regarding literally hundreds of arts, crafts, skills, and games. Here one can learn to distinguish edible plants from poisonous ones; start a fire using only a jackknife; build a four-store birdhouse out of a wooden box; communicate in sign language; tie a variety of essential knots; identify trees, wildflowers, animals, birds, and constellations; and much, much more.

The definitive pronouncement on more than 1,500 of our most commonly mispronounced words. From the language maven Charles Harrington Elster comes an authoritative and unapologetically opinionated look at American speech. As Elster points out, there is no sewer in connoisseur, no dip in diphthong, and no pronoun in pronunciation. The culmination of twenty years of observation and study, The Big Book of Beastly Mispronunciations is more than just a pronunciation guide. Elster discusses past and present usage, alternatives, analogies, and tendencies and offers plenty of advice, none of it objective. Whether you are adamant or ambivalent about the spoken word, Elster arms you with the information you need to decide what is acceptable for you. The Big Book of Beastly Mispronunciations has now been expanded and revised and features nearly 200 new words, including: al-Qaeda bruschetta commensurate coup de grace curriculum vita exacerbate gigabyte hara-kiri machismo Muslim Niger Pinochet Pulitzer sorbet tinnitus w (as in www-dot) and many, many more. Charles Harrington Elster is the pronunciation editor of Black's Law Dictionary and the author of various books about language, including Verbal Advantage, There's a Word for It, and What in the Word? He has been a guest columnist on language for the Boston Globe and the New York Times Magazine and a commentator on NPR and hundreds of radio shows around the country.

Dramatic Parables, God's method of teaching the Gospel. More than 30 complete scripts, with How To section on how to produce Christian plays, and a Bible study section presenting the case for parables and plays in a church setting. Dramatic Parables, teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Includes unresolved plays, mimes, comedies and tragedies, with always a parable, and storytelling making the difference.

" ... a hilarious collection of the stupid things that people do, divided up into topics."--- back cover.

“So many strange and wonderful things happen at every twist and turn, you'll be happy to wander with Josie . . . Each book she descends into seems to teach her something, and even if it's not obvious where the story is going, we're in it for the long haul.” —NPR From Shannon Hale, bestselling author of Austenland, comes Kind of a Big Deal: a story that will suck you in—literally. There's nothing worse than peaking in high school. Nobody knows that better than Josie Pie. She was kind of a big deal—she dropped out of high school to be a star! But the bigger you are, the harder you fall. And Josie fell. Hard. Ouch. Broadway dream: dead. Meanwhile, her life keeps imploding. Best friend: distant. Boyfriend: busy. Mom: not playing with a full deck? Desperate to escape, Josie gets into reading. Literally. She reads a book and suddenly she's inside it. And with each book, she’s a different character: a post-apocalyptic heroine, the lead in a YA rom-com, a 17th century wench in a corset. It’s alarming. But also . . . kind of amazing? It’s the perfect way to live out her fantasies. Book after book, Josie the failed star finds a new way to shine. But the longer she stays in a story, the harder it becomes to escape. Will Josie find a story so good that she just stays forever?

Do you know what "quatrefoil" and "impolitic" mean? What about "halcyon" or "narcolepsy"? This book is a handy, easy-to-read reference guide to the proper parlance for any situation. In this book you will find: Words You Absolutely Should Know (covert, exonerate, perimeter); Words You Should Know But Probably Don't (dour, incendiary, scintilla); Words Most People Don't Know (schlimazel, thaumaturgy, epergne); Words You Should Know to Sound Overeducated (ad infinitum, nugatory, garrulity); Words You Probably Shouldn't Know (priapic, damnatory, labia majora); and more. Whether writing an essay, studying for a test, or trying to impress friends, family, and fellow cocktail party guests with their prolixity, you will achieve magniloquence, ebullience, and flights of rhetorical brilliance.

Sue Buchanan charms audiences wherever she goes, revealing the terrible truth about herself: "I may as well tell you because you'll figure it out anyway: I'm not that deep. I'm shallow. But I'm deep for a shallow person. What I've found out about God is that he is totally trustworthy, and I can relax in his plans. And besides that, all he wants is -- Are you ready for this? -- for me to be his person. Just be his person, for heaven's sake! All I can say to that is, Duh! Who knows? Next I may be writing a six-volume Bible commentary!" Sue offers a merry and witty look at life from the "shallow" end of the gene pool in sixty fun devotions, sure to leave you laughing and pondering some of life's most important lessons. This very funny lady shows us all that we don't have to be "deep" to hear God's voice. All we have to do is listen and we'll find his message about love and redemption in even the smallest details of everyday life.