Motherhood Missed

Many women expect to become mothers but are childless through social rather than biological reasons - perhaps they haven't met the right person or they prioritised career or education earlier in life. Featuring international interviews by grief counsellor and researcher Lois Tonkin, this collection of first-person stories provides insight into the under-discussed situation of being childless by circumstance. Each story highlights the different aspects of being childless by circumstance, as women move through their 30s, 40s, and 50s, and beyond their ages of fertility. The book explores feelings of grief and loss, and also how women adapt positively to their changed life expectations, finding excitement in the alternative, rich and complex shapes their lives have taken.

The absence of a child or loss of a pregnancy is a void and, frequently, a profound loss experienced as a failure, a lack, a shame, something that needs to be fixed or hidden, even when it is a choice. For the most part, there is no frame, no structure, no rituals, no celebration, no acknowledgment, often even no words. It has no name, no category. The pain, loneliness and awkwardness can be unimaginable until it happens to you.What if "not children" isn't really that unusual? What if the vast majority of women have had, are having, or will have some experience of what we call missed motherhood in their lifetime, whether or not they ever have children?Based on available statistics, it appears that is the case-that as many as 75% of women in America have had or will have one or more experiences of missed motherhood at some time in their lives through miscarriage, adoption, abortion, infertility or the choice to be childfree. This is a stunning percentage! If this is true, the experience of missed motherhood appears to be as common an experience as being a mother. As a society, we need to name and include missed motherhood as part of the cultural norm, to bring it out into the open and offer effective steps for grieving and healing that go beyond what each woman can accomplish on her own. When we do this, each of us can move forward in life with passion and enthusiasm.

Nearly 20% of all pregnancies in the U.S. end in miscarriage or stillbirth. Yet pregnancy loss is seldom acknowledged and rarely discussed. Opening the topic to a thoughtful and informed discussion, Linda Layne takes a historical look at pregnancy loss in America, reproductive technologies and the cultural responses surrounding miscarriage. Examining both support groups and the rituals they create to help couples through loss, her analysis offers valuable insight on how material culture contributes to conceptions of personhood. A fascinating examination, Motherhood Lost is also a provocative challenge to feminists and other activists to increase awareness and provide necessary support for this often hidden but critically important topic.

Previously published as Mum Face. Best described as The Wrong Knickers for mums, in this wry, resonant and darkly funny memoir, journalist Grace Timothy explores motherhood as an issue of identity.

A groundbreaking exposé and diagnosis of the silent epidemic of fear afflicting new mothers, and a candid, feminist deep dive into the culture, science, history, and psychology of contemporary motherhood Anxiety among mothers is a growing but largely unrecognized crisis. In the transition to mother­hood and the years that follow, countless women suffer from overwhelming feelings of fear, grief, and obsession that do not fit neatly within the outmoded category of “postpartum depression.” These women soon discover that there is precious little support or time for their care, even as expectations about what mothers should do and be continue to rise. Many struggle to distinguish normal worry from crippling madness in a culture in which their anxiety is often ignored, normalized, or, most dangerously, seen as taboo. Drawing on extensive research, numerous interviews, and the raw particulars of her own experience with anxiety, writer and mother Sarah Menkedick gives us a comprehensive examination of the biology, psychology, history, and societal conditions surrounding the crushing and life-limiting fear that has become the norm for so many. Woven into the stories of women’s lives is an examination of the factors—such as the changing structure of the maternal brain, the ethically problematic ways risk is construed during pregnancy, and the marginalization of motherhood as an identity—that explore how motherhood came to be an experience so dominated by anxiety, and how mothers might reclaim it. Writing with profound empathy, visceral honesty, and deep understanding, Menkedick makes clear how critically we need to expand our awareness of, compassion for, and care for women’s lives.

Mother Truths is a beautiful, funny, and raw collection of poetry about early motherhood. The perfect gift for expectant mothers and new mums.

An insatiable need for sex and love. Periods of overeating or starving. A pattern of unstable and painful relationships. Does this sound painfully familiar? Trauma counselor Kelly McDaniel has seen these traits over and over in clients who feel trapped in cycles of harmful behaviors-and are unable to stop. Many of us find ourselves stuck in unhealthy habits simply because we don't see a better way. With Mother Hunger, McDaniel helps women break the cycle of destructive behavior by taking a fresh look at childhood trauma and its lasting impact. In doing so, she destigmatizes the shame that comes with being under-mothered and misdiagnosed. McDaniel offers a healing path with powerful tools that include therapeutic interventions and lifestyle changes in service to healthy relationships. The constant search for mother love can be a lifelong emotional burden, but healing begins with knowing and naming what we are missing. McDaniel is the first clinician to identify Mother Hunger, which demystifies the search for love and provides the compass that each woman needs to end the struggle with achy, lonely emptiness, and come home to herself.

The groundbreaking guide to self-healing and getting the love you missed “Years ago, I was on vacation and read The Emotionally Absent Mother. That book was one of many that woke me up. . . . I began the process of reparenting and it’s changed my life.”—Dr. Nicole LePera, New York Times–bestselling author of How to Do the Work Was your mother preoccupied, distant, or even demeaning? Have you struggled with relationships—or with your own self-worth? Often, the grown children of emotionally absent mothers can’t quite put a finger on what’s missing from their lives. The children of abusive mothers, by contrast, may recognize the abuse—but overlook its lasting, harmful effects. Psychotherapist Jasmin Lee Cori has helped thousands of men and women heal the hidden wounds left by every kind of undermothering. In this second edition of her pioneering book, with compassion for mother and child alike, she explains: Possible reasons your mother was distracted or hurtful—and what she was unable to give The lasting impact of childhood emotional neglect and abuse How to find the child inside you and fill the “mother gap” through reflections and exercises How to secure a happier future for yourself (and perhaps for your children).

This book looks at what it feels like to be an autistic parent, offering valuable insights, knowledge and wisdom on parenting autistic and non-autistic children. Three mothers reflect on their experiences of growing up as undiagnosed autistics, venturing into and embracing motherhood, and connecting with their children in a unique and powerful way. They offer advice on overcoming the challenges of parenting when you are autistic, such as socialising with other parents or sensory issues that come with excessive touch. Reflecting on their own experiences, they also emphasize the positives of being an autistic parent to an autistic child, such as understanding of why their child is struggling or the open-mindedness that can come from not being constrained by societal norms. They also explain how out-of-the-box thinking leads to creative parenting of non-autistic children, forming strong and loving bonds. Full of wit and warm advice, this book empowers autistic parents and reassures them that autism is a strength in raising their children with love, knowledge and experience, while also giving non-autistic parents and professionals a fresh perspective on helping autistic children to thrive.

In the last decade the topic of motherhood has emerged as a distinct and established field of scholarly inquiry. A cursory review of motherhood research reveals that hundreds of scholarly articles have been published on almost every motherhood theme imaginable. The first ever on the topic, this Encyclopedia of Motherhood helps to both demarcate motherhood as a scholarly field and an academic discipline and to direct its future development. With more than 700 entries, these three volumes provide information on the central terms, concepts, topics, issues, themes, debates, theories, and texts of this new discipline. Further, the encyclopedia examines the topic of motherhood in various contexts such as history and geography and by academic discipline. Key Features Provides an overview of the topic of motherhood in many and diverse disciplines, such as anthropology, sociology, psychology and philosophy Examines the meaning and experience of motherhood in many time periods from classic civilizations to present day Includes an entry for all the influential theorists of maternal scholarship from the pioneering theories to the more recent writings Covers issues and events of our current times including entries on the mommy blog, the motherhood memoir, terrorism, reproductive technologies, HIV/AIDS, and LGBT families Explores geographical, cultural, and ethnic diversity with an entry for almost every country in the world as well as entries on lesbian, immigrant, adoptive, single, nonresidential, young, poor mothers and mothers with disabilities Key Themes History of Motherhood Issues in Motherhood Motherhood and Family Motherhood and Health Motherhood and Society Motherhood Around the World Motherhood in the United States Motherhood Studies Prominent Mothers In human society, few institutions are as important as motherhood, and this unique encyclopedia captures the interdisciplinary foundation of the subject in one convenient reference. The scope of the Encyclopedia of Motherhood is focused on providing a comprehensive resource to understanding the complexities of motherhood for academic and public libraries, written by scholars and institutional experts in the social and behavioral sciences.