Moms Who Drink And Swear

If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. This irreverant, hilarious guide to the trials of motherhood makes the perfect gift for mom—or any woman with a huge heart and a mouth that sometimes needs washing out with soap. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

For fans of Go the F*ck to Sleep, Mommy Cusses is a hilarious novelty parenting book full of tell-it-like-it-is quotes, snarky lists, and too-true anecdotes that will resonate with new moms everywhere. For new-ish mothers who need to laugh at the absurdity of parenting so they don't cry, who are looking for a we're-in-this-together sense of solidarity, and who don't have time to read a "real" book, here is a hilarious and highly relatable collection of mom malarkey. There are real-talk quotes, helpful lists (such as "How to Look Like You Have Your Act Together"), "mom-tivities," and quizzes, all delivered with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Packaged in a handy trim size with colorful illustrations throughout, Mommy Cusses is the perfect gift for moms and moms-to-be who need some comic relief. • GREAT GIFT: Mommy Cusses is super relatable and laugh-out-loud funny, making it an easy gift for Mother's Day or a baby shower, or an anytime gift for a parent. • PERENNIAL TOPIC: It doesn't take long to experience all the ups and downs of parenting. Mommy Cusses features timeless mommy humor that won't go out of style and a fresh look and feel that speaks to young parents. Perfect for: • Expectant parents and parents of children under 5 • Shoppers looking for a baby shower or Mother's Day gift for a friend, spouse, or daughter • Followers of the Mommy Cusses blog or Instagram account

Pull Mommy back from the edge with this irreverent adult coloring book! MOMMY DRINKS BECAUSE YOU CRY is the adult coloring book for the delightfully impolite. For the rare moments you have to yourself, enjoy the calming act of coloring with a little dose of sass. This collection of beautiful designs and fun illustrations are paired with the very best of all our worst thoughts, from “I child-proofed my house, but they still get in,” to “Home is where the vodka is.” Each hilariously captioned design is printed on sturdy, tear-out pages perfect for amusing decoration or passive-aggressive gift-giving. When you want to unwind with coloring but aren’t in the mood to embrace sunshine and daisies, MOMMY DRINKS BECAUSE YOU CRY is the perfect adult coloring book to let you speak your native sarcasm!

A rhyming illustrated humor book for moms who feel they're not doing a good job (and that's all moms, right?). Packed with scientifically true examples of terrible parents in the animal kingdom, to remind and reassure any mother that there are way worse moms out there.

Moms aren't supposed to swear like truckers or talk about how hard day to day life as a parent is... Or that maybe sometimes (only every once in awhile?) their kids are, in fact, assholes. But The Drunk Mom does. Read Amy's story of teen pregnancy, abuse, depression and learning to live a perfectly imperfect life that she's built a following around. A story of imperfection, chasing dreams and giving zero f*cks.

Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.

In the next book in the Half Moon Hollow paranormal romance series, Libby (a widow-turned-vampire) struggles with her transition, and finds out it sucks to be the only vampire member of the PTA… Widow Libby Stratton arranged to be turned into a vampire after she was diagnosed with late-stage cancer. It wasn’t the best idea she’s ever had, but she was desperate—she’s not about to leave her seven-year-old son to be raised by her rigid, overbearing in-laws. On top of transition issues, like being ignored at PTA meetings and other mothers rejecting her son’s invitations for sleepovers, Libby must deal with her father-in-law’s attempts to declare her an unfit mother, her growing feelings for Wade—a tattooed redneck single dad she met while hiding in a closet at Back to School Night—and the return of her sire, who hasn’t stopped thinking about brave, snarky Libby since he turned her. With the help of her new vampire circle, Libby negotiates this unfamiliar quagmire of legal troubles, parental duties, relationships, and, as always in Molly Harper’s distinct, comedic novels, “characters you can’t help but fall in love with” (RT Book Reviews).

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what Chinese parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it... Amy Chua's daughters, Sophia and Louisa (Lulu) were polite, interesting and helpful, they had perfect school marks and exceptional musical abilities. The Chinese-parenting model certainly seemed to produce results. But what happens when you do not tolerate disobedience and are confronted by a screaming child who would sooner freeze outside in the cold than be forced to play the piano? Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. It was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how you can be humbled by a thirteen-year-old. Witty, entertaining and provocative, this is a unique and important book that will transform your perspective of parenting forever.

Why Mommy Swears is the much anticipated new novel from Gill Sims, author of the hilarious Why Mommy Drinks and online sensation Peter and Jane.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Has it been months since you’ve read a book with actual adult words that had nothing to do with farm animals or superheroes or going potty? Well then, it’s time to take a break. Pour yourself some wine. Put on your comfy pants. All good? Ok, welcome to the party. Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley, the creators of #IMOMSOHARD, know that you probably didn’t get to shower today and that the last thing you need is more advice on how to be a better parent. Instead, they invite you to join their laugh-out-loud, best friend banter on the eighty bajillion ways moms give their all every day—including: I KEEP IT TOGETHER SO HARD I BODY AFTER BABY SO HARD I HIT THE TOWN (AND AM IN BED BY 9:30 P.M.) SO HARD I BUST MY ASS SO HARD I KEEP FOOLS ALIVE SO HARD Come for the laughs, stay for the kinship with two friends who are just getting it right, getting it wrong, and leaning on each other for a laugh at the end of the day. They don’t care if your house is a mess and they won’t judge you if you pee a little when you sneeze.So kick back, relax, and enjoy. You deserve it.