Modern Loves

The most popular, provocative, and unforgettable essays from the past fifteen years of the New York Times “Modern Love” column—including stories from the anthology series starring Tina Fey, Andy Garcia, Anne Hathaway, Catherine Keener, Dev Patel, and John Slattery A young woman goes through the five stages of ghosting grief. A man’s promising fourth date ends in the emergency room. A female lawyer with bipolar disorder experiences the highs and lows of dating. A widower hesitates about introducing his children to his new girlfriend. A divorcée in her seventies looks back at the beauty and rubble of past relationships. These are just a few of the people who tell their stories in Modern Love, Revised and Updated, featuring dozens of the most memorable essays to run in The New York Times “Modern Love” column since its debut in 2004. Some of the stories are unconventional, while others hit close to home. Some reveal the way technology has changed dating forever; others explore the timeless struggles experienced by anyone who has ever searched for love. But all of the stories are, above everything else, honest. Together, they tell the larger story of how relationships begin, often fail, and—when we’re lucky—endure. Edited by longtime “Modern Love” editor Daniel Jones and featuring a diverse selection of contributors, this is the perfect book for anyone who’s loved, lost, stalked an ex on social media, or pined for true romance: In other words, anyone interested in the endlessly complicated workings of the human heart. Featuring essays by: Veronica Chambers • Terri Cheney • Deborah Copaken • Trey Ellis • Jean Hanff Korelitz • Ann Hood • Mindy Hung • Amy Krouse Rosenthal • Ann Leary • Andrew Rannells • Larry Smith • Ayelet Waldman • and more!

Grounded in recent, cutting edge feminist anthropological theory, these essays discuss how women and men do courtship, intimacy, and marriage around the world

“Charming. . . . A moving testament to the diversity and depths of love.” —Publishers Weekly You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be swept away—in less time than it takes to read this paragraph. Here are 175 true stories—honest, funny, tender and wise—each as moving as a lyric poem, all told in no more than one hundred words. An electrician lights up a woman’s life, a sister longs for her homeless brother, strangers dream of what might have been. Love lost, found and reclaimed. Love that’s romantic, familial, platonic and unexpected. Most of all, these stories celebrate love as it exists in real life: a silly remark that leads to a lifetime together, a father who struggles to remember his son, ordinary moments that burn bright.

"This is a facsimile edition of Modern Love, which was originally published by Standard Editions in 1977. An earlier version of the text appeared in serial form as Books I-V of the Complete Works of Constance De Jong, published by TVRT and Mirror Press from 1975-1976" --Colophon.

In the tradition of Post Secret and Other People’s Love Letters, a crowdsourced compilation of letters, stories, and art work about the modern state of love and relationships, edited by rising filmmaker and beloved YouTube vlogger Will Darbyshire. “What would you say to your ex, without judgment?” This is the question filmmaker and vlogger Will Darbyshire posed to hundreds of thousands of his closest friends on YouTube. Seeking closure after a tough break-up, Will was driven to strike up an intimate conversation with his online audience, and to get at the heart of one of life’s unknowable yet universal mysteries: love. Over a period of six months, Will posed a series of questions to his audience and asked them to reveal their innermost feelings about their own romantic experiences in the form of hand-written letters, poems, photographs, and emails. The result is a curated collection of responses that are, at turns, funny, dark, confessional, awkward, comforting, and uplifting. This Modern Love is a compelling portrait of individual desires, fantasies, resentments, and fears that reminds us that, whether we’re in or out of love, we’re not alone.

“Art will wake you up. Art will break your heart. There will be glorious days. If you want eternity you must be fearless.” —Heather Rose, The Museum of Modern Love Our hero, Arky Levin, has reached a creative dead end. An unexpected separation from his wife was meant to leave him with the space he needs to work composing film scores, but it has provided none of the peace of mind he needs to create. Guilty and restless, almost by chance he stumbles upon an art exhibit that will change his life. Based on a real piece of performance art that took place in 2010, the installation that the fictional Arky Levin discovers is inexplicably powerful. Visitors to the Museum of Modern Art sit across a table from the performance artist Marina Abramović, for as short or long a period of time as they choose. Although some go in skeptical, almost all leave moved. And the participants are not the only ones to find themselves changed by this unusual experience: Arky finds himself returning daily to watch others with Abramović. As the performance unfolds over the course of 75 days, so too does Arky. As he bonds with other people drawn to the exhibit, he slowly starts to understand what might be missing in his life and what he must do. This is a book about art, but it is also about success and failure, illness and happiness. It’s about what it means to find connection in a modern world. And most of all, it is about love, with its limitations and its transcendence.

“My ideas of romance came from the movies,” said Woody Allen, and it is to the movies—as well as to novels, advice columns, and self-help books—that David Shumway turns for his history of modern love. Modern Love argues that a crisis in the meaning and experience of marriage emerged when it lost its institutional function of controlling the distribution of property, and instead came to be seen as a locus for feelings of desire, togetherness, and loss. Over the course of the twentieth century, partly in response to this crisis, a new language of love—“intimacy”—emerged, not so much replacing but rather coexisting with the earlier language of “romance.” Reading a wide range of texts, from early twentieth-century advice columns and their late twentieth-century antecedent, the relationship self-help book, to Hollywood screwball comedies, and from the “relationship films” of Woody Allen and his successors to contemporary realist novels about marriages, Shumway argues that the kinds of stories the culture has told itself have changed. Part layperson’s history of marriage and romance, part meditation on intimacy itself, Modern Love will be both amusing and interesting to almost anyone who thinks about relationships (and who doesn’t?).

While observing exotic animal trainers for her acclaimed book Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched, journalist Amy Sutherland had an epiphany: What if she used these training techniques with the human animals in her own life–namely her dear husband, Scott? In this lively and perceptive book, Sutherland tells how she took the trainers’ lessons home. The next time her forgetful husband stomped through the house in search of his mislaid car keys, she asked herself, “What would a dolphin trainer do?” The answer was: nothing. Trainers reward the behavior they want and, just as important, ignore the behavior they don’t. Rather than appease her mate’s rising temper by joining in the search, or fuel his temper by nagging him to keep better track of his things in the first place, Sutherland kept her mouth shut and her eyes on the dishes she was washing. In short order, Scott found his keys and regained his cool. “I felt like I should throw him a mackerel,” she writes. In time, as she put more training principles into action, she noticed that she became more optimistic and less judgmental, and their twelve-year marriage was better than ever. What started as a goofy experiment had such good results that Sutherland began using the training techniques with all the people in her life, including her mother, her friends, her students, even the clerk at the post office. In the end, the biggest lesson she learned is that the only animal you can truly change is yourself. Full of fun facts, fascinating insights, hilarious anecdotes, and practical tips, What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage describes Sutherland’s Alice-in-Wonderland experience of stumbling into a world where cheetahs walk nicely on leashes and elephants paint with watercolors, and of leaving a new, improved Homo sapiens.

A compilation of fifty essays from the popular "Modern Love" column in "The New York Times" explores the intricacies and complications of negotiating love and loss in the twenty-first century.

Private life has altered beyond all recognition during the past one hundred years. Britain in 1900 was emerging from a Victorian era in which prudery, patriarchal authority, and pettifogging rules of etiquette were widely perceived to have circumscribed relations between men and women. The twentieth century witnessed a reaction against this system of separate spheres spearheaded by reformers eager that the sexes become each other's equals and intimates. Modern Love traces the trajectory of this new model of personal relationships over the course of the twentieth century, from its emergence out of the crucible of the suffrage campaign through its reshaping by the women's liberation movement. It explores its impact on smut merchants, warring couples, and teenagers, as well as its reception by such diverse figures as Bertrand Russell and Germaine Greer. It draws on sources as varied as suffragette propaganda, banned sex manuals, marriage counseling literature and pin-up magazines. Marcus Collins teaches modern British history at Emory University.