Making Amends

Did you know there are hidden rewards to making amends? Without a willingness to experience our painful feelings, we can never grow and mature into the person we'd like to be. We can never reach our potential. We can never become our true-self. To grow, we must stay in close contact with our experience, whatever it is. We need to stay in close contact with how we behaved in our relationships in order to make a thorough list of those we have harmed. We must face the wrongs we have done without running away from the truth. If we were rigorously honest with ourselves while making the list of people we had harmed, we probably felt one or more of the following feelings: anxiety, shame, discomfort, or guilt. This is exactly what we were suppose to feel. We were learning that we don't have to feel comfortable to be OK. In fact, another hidden reward is that the more willing we are to feel uncomfortable the more comfortable we become. Yes, another paradox! One of the many hidden rewards in working Steps 8,9, and 10 is to stay in close contact with our experience so we can learn from it. This self-understanding is at the heart of self-forgiveness and emotional recovery. --Excerpted from 12 Hidden Rewards of Making Amends

It is often assumed that wrongdoing can only be resolved through punishment or forgiveness. But this book explores the responses that wrongdoers can and should make to their own misdeeds, responses such as apology, repentance, reparations, and self-punishment. It examines the possibility of atonement in a broad spectrum of contexts -- from cases of relatively minor wrongs in personal relationships, to crimes, to the historical injustices of our political and religious communities. It argues that wrongdoers often have the ability to earn redemption within the moral community, that respect and trust among victims, communities and wrongdoers can be rebuilt, and that the moral responsibility of wrongdoing groups can be addressed without treating their members unfairly.

Examines the experiences of the reparative schemes set up within the criminal justice systems of UK, USA, and Germany in the 1980s. The authors reveal how the criminal justice institutions were unresponsive to these attempts to recast justice.

Winner NATIONAL JEWISH BOOK AWARDS in Contemporary Jewish Life & Practice Myra H. Kraft Memorial Award A crucial new lens on repentance, atonement, forgiveness, and repair from harm—from personal transgressions to our culture’s most painful and unresolved issues American culture focuses on letting go of grudges and redemption narratives instead of the perpetrator’s obligations or recompense for harmed parties. As survivor communities have pointed out, these emphases have too often only caused more harm. But Danya Ruttenberg knew there was a better model, rooted in the work of the medieval philosopher Maimonides. For Maimonides, upon whose work Ruttenberg elaborates, forgiveness is much less important than the repair work to which the person who caused harm is obligated. The word traditionally translated as repentance really means something more like return, and in this book, returning is a restoration, as much as is possible, to the victim, and, for the perpetrator of harm, a coming back, in humility and intentionality, to behaving as the person we might like to believe we are. Maimonides laid out 5 steps: naming and owning harm; starting to change/transformation; restitution and accepting consequences; apology; and making different choices. Applying this lens to both our personal relationships and some of the most significant and painful issues of our day, including systemic racism and the legacy of enslavement, sexual violence and harassment in the wake of #MeToo, and Native American land rights, On Repentance and Repair helps us envision a way forward. Rooted in traditional Jewish concepts while doggedly accessible and available to people from any, or no, religious background, On Repentance and Repair is a book for anyone who cares about creating a country and culture that is more whole than the one in which we live, and for anyone who has been hurt or who is struggling to take responsibility for their mistakes.

A 75th anniversary e-book version of the most important and practical self-help book ever written, Alcoholics Anonymous. Here is a special deluxe edition of a book that has changed millions of lives and launched the modern recovery movement: Alcoholics Anonymous. This edition not only reproduces the original 1939 text of Alcoholics Anonymous, but as a special bonus features the complete 1941 Saturday Evening Post article “Alcoholics Anonymous” by journalist Jack Alexander, which, at the time, did as much as the book itself to introduce millions of seekers to AA’s program. Alcoholics Anonymous has touched and transformed myriad lives, and finally appears in a volume that honors its posterity and impact.

"The greatest healing tool a mother could give herself." Are you ready to change your life? Lynda is the "MOTHER" of mothers. As she shares her pain, You find your way to forgiveness. As she reclaims her gifts, You remember yours. You picked up Messages, Wounds & Gifts for a reason. Lynda unlocked the door to her heart. You will too.

Healthy sexuality within the context of recovery is rarely talked about openly, in part because the larger culture restricts the space required to name our experiences in open, honest ways. Matesa gives us that space by bringing the language of recovery to this more hidden part of our healing, allowing us to truly “practice these principles in all our affairs." Sexuality in the context of recovery is rarely talked about openly, in part because our broader culture may inhibit us from sharing our true experiences. For some, the prospect of sober sex feels like uncharted waters—in the past, we’ve rarely had sex without first numbing ourselves with drugs and alcohol. What does it mean to have an intimate relationship in sobriety? Exploring that question deepens our recovery journey. With this groundbreaking work, Jennifer Matesa uncovers the challenges real people encounter when they start taking their clothes off—without drinking or using in order to do so. Providing readers “a meeting between the covers,” Matesa blends first-person accounts bravely shared by diverse members of the recovery community, insights from experts, and her own perspectives. The result is a book that creates a space for a vital, new dialogue about sexuality and intimacy. As we find a common language for this more hidden aspect of our healing, we can truly “practice these principles in all our affairs.”

Payback is personal for a former NYPD detective taking on a corrupt cop and a dirty accounting firm in this adrenaline-laced thriller from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Sleepers and Tin Badges. “Carcaterra’s keen eye and deft style bring New York City to stunning life. A brilliant thriller by one of the all-time greats.”—Jeffery Deaver, #1 internationally bestselling author If there’s one kind of person Tank Rizzo hates most in this world, it’s a dirty cop. Criminals are at least honest about being dishonest; dirty cops are a disgrace to the badge they carry. Detective Eddie Kenwood is one such disgrace. He’s got the highest signed-confession rate in the NYPD and a distinguished career built on putting men behind bars—whether they’re guilty or not doesn’t matter much to him. When Tank’s partner, Pearl, tells him about an old family friend Kenwood put in jail for a murder he didn’t commit, Tank and Pearl vow to take Kenwood down. Also in need of a takedown: the money-laundering accounting firm where Tank’s brother used to work—before he mysteriously died, leaving Tank the sole guardian of his nephew, Chris. Chris smells a rat, and enlists Tank’s help to bring the men who had his father killed to justice. Working two big cases means getting out the big guns, and Tank assembles his A-team. With help from a retired mobster, a professional boxer, a Chelsea psychic, a dog named Gus, and the U.S. Attorney—not to mention his and Pearl’s own quick wits and Chris’s burgeoning skills as a computer whiz—Tank gears up to take on his most dangerous and personal cases to date.

"Taut with tension.… [E]nding with a hint of hope."—Rob Merrill, Associated Press Cathartic, affirming, and steeped in the empathy and precise observations of character for which Dubus is celebrated, Gone So Long explores how the wounds of the past afflict the people we become. Gone So Long is a riveting family drama about an ex-con who did time for murder, the estranged daughter he hasn’t seen in forty years, and the grandmother angry enough to kill him. A profound exploration of the struggle between the selves we wish to be, and the ones—shaped by chance and circumstance, as well as character—that we can’t escape, it confirms Andre Dubus’s reputation as a novelist whose “compassion is unsentimental and unblinking, total and unwavering” (Paul Harding).