Irrelationship How We Use Dysfunctional Relationships To Hide From Intimacy

Three experienced psychotherapists present a clear and engaging examination of recurring love relationship problems and how to resolve them.

No matter how committed two people are to being together, why can't they get away from feeling something is missing? In this important and transformative guide, three experienced practitioners identify the widespread dysfunctional dynamic they call "irrelationship," a psychological defense system two people create together to protect themselves from the fear and anxiety of real intimacy in a relationship. Drawing on their wide clinical and life experience, the authors examine behavioral "song-and-dance routines" repeatedly performed by couples affected by irrelationship. Readers will find a valuable framework for understanding their challenges with action-oriented tools to help them navigate their way to fulfilling relationships. Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute. Grant H. Brenner, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss. Daniel Berry, RN, MHA, has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987 and has worked for almost two decades in community-based programs.

A vital guide to overcome the barriers to achieving intimacy and meaningful connection. People in resilient relationships are co-owners, experience reciprocity, and are better prepared to meet challenges authentically and effectively. In this sequel to the best-selling Irrelationship, the authors use examples from their clinical practice to review the concept of irrelationship and expand the DREAM Sequence, a tool used by affected couples to address perennial relationship issues. By mutually and mindfully viewing the relationship as a third entity, separate from each individual, couples will learn how to live in and with the ambiguity of empathy, intimacy, vulnerability, and emotional investment and view relationship sanity as a deliberate and joyful undertaking to maintain and deepen connection.

From the authors of the Irrelationship series comes an insightful guidebook for enhancing the most vital relationship in every person's life—the one they have with themselves. Making Your Crazy Work for You adopts the irrelationship model to present a step-by-step program for self-understanding and catalyzing change. Our "crazy" refers to our unique reaction to our own pain, fear, and anxiety brought on by isolation from others and ourself. This unrecognized isolation can occur even when we are surrounded by other people in our daily lives. However, by learning to listen to our craziness, we can use it as a tool for ending isolation and opening up to love. Drawn from the authors' personal experience and clinical practice, each chapter features new case studies, exercises, and tools to help readers to reverse unhealthy behavior patterns learn to access their genuine emotions, needs, and ideas create better relationships

Watching people protest, one hypothesis is that underlying these actions for specific justifiable causes is a sense of wishing to belong, of wishing not to be alone. Recent knowledge from patients and empirical research shows the importance of belonging to groups to both psychological and physical well-being. The problems of many students, minority group members, immigrants, terrorists, and lonely people are linked to an insufficient sense of belonging. Whereas psychoanalytic theory has focused on the need for a secure attachment to a primary caretaker, it has failed to note the importance of a sense of belonging to the family group, a friendship group, a community, a religious group, a nation-state, etc. This book demonstrates the difficulties faced by those who immigrate, those who never feel a sense of their true selves as belonging in a family or a cohesive professional group, and the difficulties of psychoanalysts themselves in knowing where they belong in patients’ lives. The problems of breaking up marital and professional relationships as well as our relationship with the Earth are also discussed. Freudian theory rejected the idea of a sense of "oneness" with humanity as being infantile. Recent developments regarding the similarities between meditational practices and psychoanalysis have questioned Freud’s idea. This book shows the importance of an interpersonal/relational psychoanalysis focusing on real relationships and not simply one that examines inner conflicts. It will be useful to psychologists, other mental health practitioners, social scientists, and anyone with normal struggles in life.

The single book therapists everywhere will recommend to all of their patients, because at some point or another, we all behave like dicks. Why this book? Because you might be a dick: a mean-spirited, self-focused individual who thinks and acts as though everyone else in the world can only be understood—and whose only importance is defined—in terms of their relationship to you. Being a dick might feel powerful in the short term, but it is not helping you in the long term because this flawed character trait is exactly what’s keeping you from attaining what you may want most: personal fulfillment, satisfying work, a loving committed relationship, and lifelong friendships. Anyone, at any time, can be a dick. Yet Don’t Be a Dick is especially for people who have noticed how their own behavior tends to backfire, leaving them feeling isolated and unsure why their seemingly justified actions consistently yield such poor results. If you’re constantly using the refrain, It’s not me, it’s them whenever something goes wrong, Mark Borg is here to tell you that it is, in fact, you. The good news is there is something you can do to reverse these behaviors and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Americans—especially young people—are more un-churched and less affiliated with organized religion than at any other time in our history. I Don’t Know What to Believe addresses that decline and presents an insightful examination of authentic spirituality for those who desire answers, guidance, and perspective regarding an important aspect of their lives: their beliefs, and relationship to, a higher power. Rabbi Ben Kamin addresses questions he has received from real people over the thirty years of his ministry, such as: Why does my parents’ religion have to define me? Am I God’s child even if I don’t go to religious services? Does scripture include me in its ideology regardless of how much scripture I know? How do I follow my own spirituality while still respecting my parents’ traditions? Ben Kamin is the award-winning author of ten books and is a scholar on the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He has led congregations in Toronto, New York, Cleveland, and San Diego since his ordination in 1978.

Behind Closed Doors presents radical and evolutionary ways of relating. Shirley's first book, Set Yourself Free, is regarded as a classic on co-dependency and compulsive addictive behaviour. It has sold over 60,000 copies Australia wide and continues to sell well today. With hundreds of case histories of Australian marriages, families and break-ups, Smith has been privileged to learn why people's relationships break down. Readers will go 'behind closed doors' to discover their unspoken truths, hidden anger, hurts, resentments and fears that are at the core of their relationship problems. They will also learn what they can do to repair their relationships and build lasting intimacy.

The Shadow Side Of Intimate Relationships takes a very real look at intimate relationship and what is occurring beneath each partner's surface awareness when un-nourishing patterns of behavior begin to get locked into place. It sheds light on aspects that intimate partners seldom recognize or want to confront and takes the view that both partners must become more aware of themselves, at deeper levels, warts and all, if they want to experience an authentic, enduring love. “Doug and Naomi Moseley are experts when it comes to the underbelly [shadow side] of relationships. This book is a must- read for folks who desire a deeper understanding of marriage dynamics.” John Bradshaw, author, Healing the Shame That Binds You “A real book for real people who are lost in power struggle and want to find their way to love and passion in marriage.” John Gray, Ph.D., author, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus "With incredible clarity, uncompromising truth, and rare and refreshing wisdom, the Moseleys have written a life-changing book that will help couples create profoundly intimate relationships.” Marriage Magazine “Terrific! A great leap forward in the process of personal development through relationship. Very highly recommended.” Brugh Joy, M.D., F.A.C.P., author, Joy’s Way, Avalanche “The authors have managed to integrate deep psychological information into a down-to-earth, workable model. This book is a must-read for individuals, couples, and helping professionals.” Pat Love, Ed.D., Past President, International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors, co-author, Hot Monogamy “. . . an invaluable resource for understanding the full range of life’s most rigorous spiritual practice: the art and craft of relationship. This book gives a realistic and inspiring vie w of ho w enriching and challenging an authentic intimate relationship can be.” Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., Cultural Anthropologist, author, The Four-Fold Way, Signs of Life

SOCIOLOGY: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS. NO MORE GAMES. IT'S TIME FOR THE TRUTH. Neil Strauss made a name for himself advocating freedom, sex and opportunity as the author of The Game. Then he met the woman who forced him to question everything. Neil's search for answers took him from Viagra-laden free-love orgies to sex addiction clinics, from cutting-edge science labs to modern-day harems, and, most terrifying of all, to his own mother. What he discovered changed everything he knew about love, sex, relationships and, ultimately, himself. The Truth may have the same effect on you.