Grumpy Old Men The Official Handbook

Do you know someone who is incensed by compulsory tipping? Who is infuriated if kept on hold for more than a minute? Who is positively apoplectic if someone answers their phone during dinner? If so, youve probably encountered the phenomenon of the grumpy old man. Following their first massively successful BBC1 series, this autumn will see the grumpy old men will return to our screens, and this time theyre grumpier than ever. Packed with funny and informative chapters such as Who are we, What are we grumpy about and How can you spot the signs of grumpiness coming on, this book will leave even the grumpiest of men with a grin on his face.

At last! A comprehensive, handy guide for the misery-guts in your life. Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Grumpy Old Men is an annotated, cross-referenced and fully illustrated manual for malcontents everywhere: the comprehensive Gripes of Wrath.

Never mind about ruling the world, although you could, no doubt, do it better than the idiots in charge. Who cares about being youthful, athletic or handsome when you've been there, done that and got the scars to prove it? Joking apart, there are plenty of ways to make your life much happier as you get older and that's what this little book is really all about. It's a mixture of humour and advice, written by a very contented 83-year-old who knows what he's talking about. After deciding to make happiness your top priority, learn how to attain and keep it, with brief lessons ranging from not taking yourself - or anyone else - seriously, and the need for a HOW (happy old woman) to neighbours - like them if it kills them - and enemies (how not to have any). Remember that hurrying is for the young! So, sit back, relax and enjoy life.

Around about August 1948, Mr and Mrs Cyril Wakeman had an early night and some time later, at Perivale in Middlesex, Mrs Wakeman produced a bonny baby son. They named him Richard, but he quickly became known as Rick. Rick was a likeable little fellow who had a talent for the piano and for making trouble. Music became Rick's life - he joined a popular music group called Yes and became a legend. Much later he became a Grumpy Old Man who appears on Countdown, hosts a hugely popular radio show on Planet Rock and performs a one-man show telling stories about his rather extraordinary life. Which is where this book you are holding comes in. Mr Wakeman is simply one of the great storytellers of our age - let's face it, he has some fabulous material. It seemed a shame that some of the funniest yarns should not be more widely known. So he accepted some cash and here we are. Curl up by the fire with a Grumpy Old Rock Star and your nearest and dearest. We defy you not to want to read it aloud and laugh.

Good things come in small sizes. That is so true, especially for How Not to Become a Crotchety Old Man. Big on fun and filled with hilarious insights about how not to let our inner crotchety old man out, this one makes the perfect Father's Day gift. Men will learn how to age gracefully so they never rattle off an inappropriate "dirty old man" joke. They'll learn that reading the obits first is a cardinal sin and that never reading the instructions is a close second.

Fantastically witty and painfully accurate, Diary of a Grumpy Old Git will appeal to anyone, grumpy old git or otherwise ...

Grumpy Old Bear is sitting by a rock. Where are all his friends?

What do Postman Pat, Tommy Cooper, Norman Wisdom and George Best have in common with being abandoned in a Costa Rican jungle after a severe bout of flatulence? Indeed, how are they also connected to trying to buy an Australian brewery just to get a beer, owning twenty-two cars, an American soccer team and a Swiss mail-order pornography company? The common feature is of course a certain Richard Wakeman. The Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star takes you, the privileged reader, on a trip of absurd excess, a cultural car crash of side-splitting hilarity and an unforgettable glimpse (again) into the life of one of Britain's most legendary showmen, rock stars and all-time great raconteurs.