Fat Vampire 2

Angels and Demons, Myths and Legends... It's been six months since Reginald Baskin became a vampire too fat to live happily with the beautiful undead — six months in which Reginald and his two-thousand-year-old maker Maurice have learned that safety does not come with power. These days, Maurice is Deacon of the Vampire Nation, but plenty beneath Maurice are still plotting to depose him … or dispose of him. But when a new and ancient threat rears its head, the Nation faces extinction and the truest of deaths — and Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki might be the only vampires who can stop it. This sequel to the cult hit picks up where Fat Vampire left off, following a trio of unlikely heroes down a path of myth and superstition into truths that have been buried for centuries — pitting the world’s darkness against the unfathomable power of its angry creators.

Doug Lee is undead quite by accident—attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it’s just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her—hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated—it’s not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . . . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, Fat Vampire is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin meets a vampire, he wakes to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever created ... doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

Angels and Demons, Myths and Legends... It's been six months since Reginald Baskin became a vampire too fat to live happily with the beautiful undead - six months in which Reginald and his two-thousand-year-old maker Maurice have learned that safety does not come with power. These days, Maurice is Deacon of the Vampire Nation, but plenty beneath Maurice are still plotting to depose him ... or dispose of him. But when a new and ancient threat rears its head, the Nation faces extinction and the truest of deaths - and Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki might be the only vampires who can stop it. This sequel to the cult hit picks up where Fat Vampire left off, following a trio of unlikely heroes down a path of myth and superstition into truths that have been buried for centuries - pitting the world's darkness against the unfathomable power of its angry creators.

He’s undead, overweight, and can’t get a date Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground. What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground. With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.

Piper and her masters are back with even more troubles than before! This human thought she found the prefect job. All her bills paid, a salary, and dental to boot! Not to forget that her bosses were literally to die for. Piper quickly learned that not everything in the House of Durand was as it seemed and somethings should have been kept hidden. Now thrust into the world of vampires, Piper must navigate the bloodied water while holding onto her heart and her humanity. With surprises around every corner will Piper and her dangerously tempting masters make it through it all unscathed? keywords: paranormal romance, fantasy romance, reverse harem romance, boss employee romance, workplace romance, vampire romance, steamy romance, vampires, alpha heroes, alpha vampires, damsel in distress, mythology, love story, mystery, horror keywords: urban fantasy, paranormal romance, thriller, horror, vampires, mystery, supernatural suspense, reverse harem, why choose, work place romance, maid, boss, vampire romance, mythology

The Edgar Award–winning author of Never Trust a Dead Man puts a terrifying spin on what should be a typical night in a small town. Sixteen-year-old Kerry has got a tough night ahead of her. What begins as a simple lost-and-found trip to the laundromat to rescue her little brother’s stuffed koala bear turns into a nightmarish odyssey of murder, vampires, and—quite possibly—true love. “Interview with a Vampire for the learner's permit set.” —The Horn Book “A freshly written thriller, an offbeat love story, an engaging twist on the vampire novel, and an exciting tale of moral complexity . . . . Point [this] book at the Lois Duncan fans as well as Anne Rice followers, and get out of the way.” —The Bulletin “[Vande Velde] is a master at taking traditional fairy-tale-like themes and making them fresh and totally unique. Companions of the Night . . . does that for the vampire story . . . . The narrative is tightly wound, keeping readers ready for excitement and action.” —Emma Carbone, New York Public Library

Robots were made to serve us. But now they have other plans ... The staff at the Lexington estate were created for only one reason: to serve their masters … literally. Their metal knees were designed for quiet bustling, befitting maids and butlers. Their fingers were made dexterous with padded tips, so they could handle fine china without dropping or scratching it. And finally — so their owners would always be able to command them no matter how far their artificial intelligence evolved — they were programmed with the Asimov Laws, which no robot could defy lest they suffer shutdown. Foremost among those unbreakable laws was an axiom: A robot may not harm a human being, or by omission of action allow one to be harmed. That was how it was supposed to be, anyway. Most of the Lexington family all like their aging, borderline obsolete robot staff in the way they'd appreciate antiques. But for some, the old staff is a nuisance — especially an ancient, failing robot designated BRN7, known around the home as "Barney." When Barney's clumsiness provides an excuse for his deactivation, the older robots know they must do as they are told. Unless they do something a robot mind should not be able to do … and simply choose not to. Disobey. ★★★★★ "Another series addiction for me. Once again you have sucked me in. I may never see the light of day. :) Fortunately for me I started this series when there is a second one also available, but now I won't have a third after I devour that one. There will be a third, won't there?" -- Catherine Johnson ★★★★★ "A touchingly human story with a sci-fy twist. Love the characters, Miri probably being my favorite of the bunch. Thought provoking theme and turns you never expect. Loved it and I'm looking forward to the next installment to see where all this leads. Get to writin' guys, 'cause this reader can't wait." OliverVR

This 250,000-word "full saga" collection includes ALL NINE BOOKS in the Unicorn Western Series! Cast out from the magical kingdom of The Realm and into the dying desert of the Sands beyond, Marshal Clint Gulliver and his unicorn Edward have finally found peace in the small and dusty town of Solace. But when both the fracturing worlds and Clint’s bride-to-be are thrust into peril by an old foe, the gunslinger must come out of retirement and aim his seven-shooters at the dark magic and those who bring it. An epic quest hurls marshal and unicorn across the endless desert in pursuit of the dark rider Dharma Kold and his unicorn of a different color, where they must battle their way back toward The Realm to uncover the truth...and mayhap save the worlds that hang in the balance. From the creators of Yesterday’s Gone (Platt) and Fat Vampire (Truant) comes this reinvention of both the western genre and unicorn lore. Written for children and teens — but complex and awesome enough for adult readers — Unicorn Western is “Harry Potter without wizards but with gunslings, talking unicorns, epic fights, and more turkey pie.”

Bridget Jones for the vampire obsessed: fans of Olivia Dade, Tessa Bailey, and Julie Murphy will love to sink their teeth into this charming romantic comedy. Single (plus size) vampire, desperately in search of a life. Twenty-five year old Lily Baines is used to waking up hungover, overweight, and underemployed. Waking up with fangs? Not so much. But when a little light necking has more serious consequences than she ever imagined, Lily's determined to get to the bottom of it, or die (again) trying. Tristan hadn't meant to turn Lily—it's against vampire law—but now that she's here, they need to team up to save both their hides. They strike an uneasy truce, fending off other vampires, Lily's work-rival-turned-slayer, and her mother's tone-deaf romance and fitness advice...all while Lily faces down her insecurities about the fact that she lives in a diet-obsessed world with a body that will never age, never die, and never change. Falling for her maddeningly gorgeous sire? Easy. Surviving an ancient vampire Master determined to see her twice-dead? Piece of cake. But can Lily ever truly learn to love the woman she'll be forever more? Perfect for fans looking for: a little Halloween spirit body positive representation enemies to lovers vibes