Dont Poop In The Tub

There's only one rule when Papa is on lifeguard duty during bath time, don't poop in the tub!Inspired by our oldest son who has pooped in the bathtub four times on Papa's watch, this one-a-kind hilarious book is filled with poop euphemisms that all ages can appreciate.Splashing, swimming, and overflowing the tub with bubbles are all activities that are allowed and encouraged, butt please don't poop in the tub!

When my bubble bath for one becomes a bubble bath for two, it's time to lay down some rules of what pirates do and don't do! Come join our adventure across the wide soap sea, I know you'll love it too, just you wait and see.

You’ve just been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Now what? Being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. In You Don't Look Sick: Quick and Dirty Tips for Surviving Ulcerative Colitis, author and ulcerative colitis veteran AW Cross gives you a first-hand, non-medical perspective about what to expect from your illness and how to get through it with your sanity (and your favorite underwear) intact. Through a unique blend of practicality and humor, you’ll learn how to: •Cope with the physical consequences and emotional impact of ulcerative colitis •Pack a survival kit and leave your bathroom with confidence •Dress, eat, and have sex •Deal with healthcare professionals and enjoy your stays in the hospital •Endure poop jokes and use social media responsibly •Put on your big boy/girl pants and deal with it Whether you’ve just been diagnosed or struggled with UC for years, if you’re determined not to let your illness define you, this book is for you. If you’d rather wallow in self-pity, have no sense of humor about your illness, and hate kittens and babies, DON’T BUY THIS BOOK!

In this wickedly funny novel, one bad afternoon and two regrettable comments make the inimitable Philip Sharpe go viral for all the worst reasons. Dr. Philip Sharpe, absent-minded professor extraordinaire, teaches philosophy at the University of Toronto and is one of Canada’s most combative public intellectuals. But when a live TV debate with his fiercest rival goes horribly off the rails, an oblivious Philip says some things to her that he really shouldn’t have. As a clip of Philip’s “slip” goes viral, it soon reveals all the cracks and fissures in his marriage with his young, stay-at-home wife, Grace. And while the two of them try to get on the same side of the situation, things quickly spiral out of control. Can Philip make amends and save his marriage? Is there any hope of salvaging his reputation? To do so, he’ll need to take a hard look at his on-air comments, and to conscript a band of misfits in a scheme to set things right.

A raw, funny, and irreverent collection of stories on parenting in the twenty-first century.

A light and lively companion to Sorry I Peed on You, Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe is a hilarious collection of full-color photos and letters of apologies and suggestions from dogs to the people who love them—no matter what bad thing they’ve done! Inside Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe, writer and comedian Jeremy Greenberg presents a collection of 50 laugh-out-loud letters and accompanying full-color photographs that explain Fido's love of funky smells, why a ball needs to be thrown again, and practically every other lovably loony canine characteristic. From an impassioned plea to stop the silly nicknames, to an attempt to skip a bath, to explanations for stolen shoes and swiped sandwiches, Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe offers a pooch's perspective on common canine vs. human cohabitation conundrums. Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe is the perfect gift for dog lovers and anyone who appreciates hilarious (and so true!) insights into dog--and human--nature.

I’d gone to college. I’d written for the New York Times. I had a solid credit score. How did I end up here? After his breakout hit book I’m Sorry . . . Love, Your Husband, Clint Edwards has more laugh-out-loud tales, this time from the “terrible twos” and “threenager” phases each of his kids went through. His relatable toddler stories leave parents and caregivers cackling, and remind us all that no one is the perfect parent. In fact, sometimes the only thing that gets Clint through the day is thinking about when his kids grow up . . . and all the ways he can finally exact his revenge. Like leaving a leaky sippy cup full of milk to rot under the back seat of his daughter’s car, or waking up at 4 a.m. to incessantly ask his son for a cheese stick. With essays like Locking Doors Is Hilarious Until the Fire Department Arrives, Poop Doesn’t Go Easily Down a Tub Drain, Dad’s Never the Favorite, and Face It—You’ll Never Pee Alone, Clint knows exactly what’s “terrible” about the twos . . . and threes.

Why does your toddler get upset when his or her routine is disrupted? Why do they follow you from room to room and refuse to play on their own? Why are daily routines such as mealtimes, bath time, and bed time such a struggle? This accessible guide demystifies the difficult behaviors of anxious toddlers, offering tried-and-tested practical solutions to common parenting dilemmas. Each chapter begins with a real life example, clearly illustrating the behavior from the parent's and the toddler's perspective. Once the toddler's anxious behavior has been demystified and explained, new and effective parenting approaches are introduced to help parents tackle everyday difficulties and build up their child's resilience, independence, and coping mechanisms. Common difficulties with bath time, toileting, sleep, eating, transitions, social anxiety, separation anxiety, and sensory issues are solved, along with specific fears and phobias, and more extreme behaviors such as skin picking and hair pulling. A must-read for all parents of anxious toddlers, as well as for the professionals involved in supporting them.

What I’ve Learned - An Encyclopedia of Perpetual Bullshit covers topics that affect us every single day, as seen through the eyes of Chris Heist. Just like you, he’s a nobody that wants to be a somebody. So he set out to write this book; losing two jobs, an apartment, and a marriage along the way. In this book you’ll learn how to properly reject etiquette, how to legally stare into your neighbor’s windows, how to properly support suicide, how to make sense out of idiotic laws, how to insult people’s mothers, how to piss off religious people, how to write a screenplay, how to use taboo words without getting your ass kicked, how to play drinking games, how to handle holidays, how to use the bible to avoid paying child support, how to spot a scumbag boss, how to disgust hotel staff, how to behave online, how to deal with addiction, how to properly be patriotic, how to skip high school, how to say impolite things in German, how to choose heroes, and how to enjoy what you have with the time you have to enjoy it. In his small circle of friends, he is both a legend and an asshole. But now, Christopher T. Heist can invade the lives of complete strangers as he shares his twisted perspective of everything he’s been exposed to. And yes, nothing is sacred. As a self-proclaimed actor, activist, poet, porn star, comedian, screenwriter, atheist, author, body-builder, recovered addict, part-time alcoholic, part-time racist, leader, winner, loser, counselor, ex-soldier, runner, bicyclist, laborer, prisoner, freethinker, singer, rapper, boxer, criminal, pimp, victim, street fighter, dirty fighter, dealer, director, graduate, guardian, sucker puncher, lover, photographer, model, artist, father, inventor, slave to the system, and all around survivalist; you may find yourself nodding in agreement to some of the crazy shit he hammers out in this book.