Cats Are Assholes

Most people love cats. They’re fluffy, playful, and can be a joy to have as a companion. However, they can also be huge assholes. So what can you do? How do you deal with a roommate who always seems to be plotting to kill you? While we all love sharing adorable photos of kittens, these frisky felines are known more for marching to the beat of their own drum than abiding by the rules. From running around your home at two in the morning, knocking everything off your shelves, or taking up most of your bed, these furry critters can be immensely selfish and disrespectful to those who give them endless love and affection. Why Cats Are Assholes is up for such a challenge. From studying their history all the way back to ancient Egypt, comedian Liz Miele—the daughter of veterinarians—digests the cat psyche to try and understand why they do the things they do, and how we, as their loyal servants, can handle domestic bliss with them around. With the help of her cat Pasta, Miele breaks down the common behaviors of cats in an attempt to try and better understand their plan of attack (if there is one), as well as what we can do to better prepare ourselves. Whether you have one, two, or twelve fur babies, Why Cats Are Assholes is the ultimate guide to better understanding your pet’s behavior while taking back your home from these domesticated terrorists.

Like any normal cat, Tobey wants love, affection and attention. Sometimes he shows this very well, other times he is an ass hole. Follow us on his journey as he shows his love and annoyance. You will discover how Tobey rubs his nasty lips on everything in sight, performs the one-leg salute and bugs the hell out of me.

This diet-guide parody shows "extra furry" cats how to get svelte with kitty-specific versions of popular weight-loss and fitness regimes like the Zone, South Beach, Mayo Clinic, and French Women Don't Get Fat (But Their Cats Do). Americans own more than 86 million cats, and the wild popularity of cat videos--from YouTube to the Internet Cat Video Film Festival--proves that cat-lovers can't get enough kitty humor. This book pokes fun at tubby tabbies--the world's cutest (and surliest) fat creatures--with laugh-out-loud details that will tickle the funnybone of anyone "owned" by a cat. Lampooning trendy weight-loss regimes and health gurus, this book will also make people feel better about their own battle of the bulge in comparison to cats' insatiable appetites and lazy lifestyles. By eating right for their blood type, sourcing raw and living foods, joining Weight Stalkers, avoiding toxic treats, and exercising while lying down, felines of every shape (round) and size (round) will soon be motivated to ditch the fifth serving of Beef Morsels in Gravy for fresh, local options like that vole in the backyard.

Trouble in Purradise? Having a catastrophic day? Unwind with the Lazy-Ass Cats Coloring Book. Whip out your colored pencilsforty clever coloring pages are ready for your artistic touch. Haven't tried coloring? You have got to be kitten me. A hilarious gift for coloring enthusiasts, cat lovers, and even people who don't know they like to color yet, the book features single-sided pages on crisp, quality paper.

Skulls and Siamese. Corpse paint and Persians. Baphomet, pentagrams, blood, and tabbies! Metal Cats combines two amazing subjects: the extreme personalities of the hardcore metal music scene and their adorable kitties. These incredibly cute and fluffy felines have been photographed with their loving owners in and around the dark abodes of musicians, fans, and promoters of metal including members of the bands Black Goat, Thrones, Isis, Lightning Swords of Death, Book of Black Earth, Skarp, Harassor, Akimbo, Aldebaran, Atriarch, Oak, Ghoul, Ludicra, Holy Grail, Xasthur, Cattle Decapitation, Murder Construct, Exhumed, Morbid Angel, Municipal Waste, Skeletonwitch, Gypsyhawk, Nausea, Phobia, and Napalm Death. Metal isn't all dark and disturbing, violent and misanthropic. Metal Cats is proof that while the music may be brutal, the people in the scene are softies for their pets just like you and me... A portion of the proceeds from this book and a series of benefit shows held along the West Coast will go towards one no-kill shelter in each of the four main cities visited.

Learn to communicate with your dog—using their language “Good reading for dog lovers and an immensely useful manual for dog owners.”—The Washington Post An Applied Animal Behaviorist and dog trainer with more than twenty years’ experience, Dr. Patricia McConnell reveals a revolutionary new perspective on our relationship with dogs—sharing insights on how “man’s best friend” might interpret our behavior, as well as essential advice on how to interact with our four-legged friends in ways that bring out the best in them. After all, humans and dogs are two entirely different species, each shaped by its individual evolutionary heritage. Quite simply, humans are primates and dogs are canids (as are wolves, coyotes, and foxes). Since we each speak a different native tongue, a lot gets lost in the translation. This marvelous guide demonstrates how even the slightest changes in our voices and in the ways we stand can help dogs understand what we want. Inside you will discover: • How you can get your dog to come when called by acting less like a primate and more like a dog • Why the advice to “get dominance” over your dog can cause problems • Why “rough and tumble primate play” can lead to trouble—and how to play with your dog in ways that are fun and keep him out of mischief • How dogs and humans share personality types—and why most dogs want to live with benevolent leaders rather than “alpha wanna-bes!” Fascinating, insightful, and compelling, The Other End of the Leash is a book that strives to help you connect with your dog in a completely new way—so as to enrich that most rewarding of relationships.

PRINCE OF CATS is the B side to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, played at an eighties block party in an NY where underground sword dueling blossomed alongside hip-hop, punk, disco, and no wave. Itês the story of the minor players with Tybalt at the center. The definitive printing of RONALD WIMBERLY's critically-acclaimed first work, presented as intended for the first time.

Cats are fuzzy cute little assholes. This journal prompts you to write down what your fuzzy little asshole did today. Each prompt also includes a real life thing that my own asshole cats have done to me. Write down anything you want in here. It is a lined journal to write your thoughts down on. Use this journal as a conversation piece on a coffee table if you want. Encourage your friends to write their own cat stories in this journal also. This journal can also be used as a notebook diary.

"I have to hand it to Bradshaw and Ellis: Once you suss out their basic cat-training philosophy, their methods totally work." -- Slate We often assume that cats can't be trained, and don't need to be. But in The Trainable Cat, bestselling anthrozoologist John Bradshaw and cat expert Sarah Ellis show that cats absolutely must be trained in order to enrich the bond between pet and owner. Full of training tips and exercises -- from introducing your cat to a new baby to helping them deal with visits to the vet -- The Trainable Cat is the essential cat bible for cat owners and lovers. "I doubt you'll find a more well-informed or scientific book on cats that better shows you how feline thinking works." -- Times (UK)

Comedian and Live from Here head writer Tom Papa, author of Your Dad Stole My Rake, tackles the modern condition in a heartwarming group of short essays. Tom Papa is a little worried about you. You seem stressed, overworked and, frankly, a little mixed up. Everyone is fighting an overwhelming feeling that things are getting worse, that we should be doing more, that we’re not good enough. Well, life isn't perfect. There have always been problems and there always will be. You can fight for the things you believe in, you can work really, really hard, but you shouldn't lose track of the fact that while you’re doing all that, life is flying by at lightning-fast speed. If you actually take a breath and look around you’ll realize you’re actually doing great. Here’s the thing: We live in an amazing time filled with airplanes, scooters, and peanut butter cups. We have air conditioning, blenders, and martini shakers. It's time to refocus, enjoy it all, and stop waiting for something better! Relax with comedian and Live from Here writer and performer Tom Papa as he explores his favorite subjects in 75 essays, including: You Don't Have to Live Your Best Life Don't Open the Mail I'm So Baked I Love Your Love Handles Don't Go Tubing Shut Up and Eat Recalibrate, turn off your device, and open your eyes to a better reality: You’re doing great!